I've not written much about my mum on this blog before but I believe the experience of five years ago changed me and made me look at life so differently. I've been pondering what to actually write, even considering extracts from the blog I was writing at the time, but to be honest it's not easy reading and not easy for me to go over it all again.
So please let me share some facts about my mum.
She was an older mum when she had me, already in her late 30s. When I came along I had two teenage brothers. I wasn't the last child however, when I was eight she gave me a baby brother.
As a young child I remember her preferred birthday presents were chocolate and hair dye. She always died her hair a really dark brown colour, almost black which is what colour it was before she went grey. I believe my eldest son has inherited her dark thick hair, I know I didn't!
She was always incredibly close to her mum and became her carer for many years when she got sick.
Both of her husbands died suddenly at early ages.
Mum was very musical, she could play the piano, accordion and sing. I have inherited none of her talents.
On November 30th 2008 mum was taken to hospital very ill. On 11th December she was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the liver and lungs. On Christmas day 2008 she passed away in a hospice. 25 days. Some people have less notice I know, but is it easier knowing that someone is going to die, or having someone die suddenly? I think I can speak from experience, neither is easier, both are so so hard.
As the years have passed the pain has eased slightly. At one point I held on tight to the pain because it felt like pain was all I had left. Time doesn't heal, it just helps you deal with things better. I still miss my mum every day and always will.
In memory of mum, January 2nd 1931 - December 25th 2008