So, this year I turn 50. I can barely believe it, how did that happen?
I am feeling old.
When I turned 20 I felt grown up. I actually got married just before I was 21. Looking back now that seems really young, but I didn't feel young, I felt like an adult and I felt that I'd met my life partner. I wasn't even pregnant!
When I turned 30 my husband had decided that he didn't want to be with me any more. I became an Independent Woman (throw your hands up at me!) with my two kids and my full time job. I didn't really mind being single, life was good.
Turning 40 was life changing again. I'd met my current partner in my late 30s and we had decided to have a baby together. I'd hoped it would happen before I turned 40 and I just about made it. My daughter was born three months before my 40th birthday. I went on to have two more babies in my forties, so for me, my forties were the new thirties! All the time I've been forty I haven't felt old. I don't know whether that is having a younger partner or three small children that has made me feel younger, but my age really hasn't bothered me at all.
Approaching 50 didn't really bother me either, until a night out in February. Some bloke was asking my friend if she liked his shoes but she was brushing him off. He was a bit worse for wear. His friend, who was not so drunk asked me what I thought and I politely told him they were ok. The drunk guy turned around and said "If I wanted the opinion of fifty something woman I'd have asked!"
That one comment from a drunken guy totally deflated me. I know it shouldn't have but it did.
I was going to be a fifty something woman, I was going to be old. Half a Century old! My opinion didn't count because I was an old lady. It just went round and round in my head.
The guy wasn't even that young, probably his early 30s....I was still old enough to be his mum!
This getting old lark is not easy.
So I googled the best things about turning 50 and most of them don't apply to me...like the kids being grown-up, having more freedom, having the house to myself etc.
Some of them I really don't like, who wants to be happy because it's ok to forget things, or do daft things, or give lame excuses about your age for things you don't want to do?
Ah, and apparently you don't have to care about your appearance any more, no more nips and tucks or botox once you reach 50...I think I've missed something somewhere?
So 50 really is old.
It's all downhill from here.
*Insert suitable swearword*
I'm going to write my bucket list of things to do before I'm 60! It's only 10 years away and the Little Man will be doing his GCSEs by then!
P.S, would you have a party for your 50th? My family are trying to convince me but I'm really not sure I want to celebrate. Not only that but my family couldn't organize a p*ss up in a brewery let alone a party so I don't really want to be doing all that work...not at my age anyway!
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