My other half and I were looking at electric wheelchairs online. They are bloomin' expensive, but we did find one that we could budget for before our holiday at the end of May. We were thinking it would be easier travelling on the train with our luggage if I was in an electric wheelchair.
Then I thought, why am I thinking like this. Our holiday is eight weeks away, I could be walking by then! When I first found out that I had Transverse Myelitis the first thing I did was turn to my friend
Google to find out how long it would take to recover. Google let me down. The results were all conflicting and there was no definite answer.
I then turned to groups of people who already had TM, but they didn't help much either. Everyone had a different story to tell. It's no surprise really, TM is rare with only one in three million cases in the UK every year. Lucky me, to get something so rare!
In my mind I made up my own recovery time. As the Occupational Therapists fitted all sorts of adaptations in my home to help me I was thinking, they won't be needed for long. When my appointment was made to return to the hospital I thought they'd probably discharge me because I was ok. I gave myself eight weeks to get better.
Three months later and I know I've progressed loads, but I can't live without those aids. I need them to walk, to shower, to go to the toilet, to get in and out of bed, to cook, to go outside and to get upstairs. I need them all still.
Our holiday is five months after my attack of TM. I was certain I'd be well by then. I even thought I could drive. So why am I thinking about electric wheelchairs? Have I given up thinking I will get better? Have I accepted that I won't?
Is accepting my disability the same as giving up getting better?
My other half is staying on the worst case scenario side. He thinks I'm being silly when I say I won't need help in a few weeks time. He hates it when I say I'm definitely going to get better. He's trying to save me from disappointment. He wants me to accept this condition so I don't get hurt anymore by not reaching my deadlines and goals.
I've accepted that TM is for life, I know it will always be with me. I can't stop trying to get better, hoping that I will. I accept, but I will never give up.