We were invited into the school this week to take part in a Chinese New Year workshop. I really love that the school does these workshops and I love going in to spend some time with my children at school. I remember many years ago that my mum came into school to help with the costumes and decorations for a school play. I was only about 9 years old and I loved having her there in school with me. Hopefully my children will remember me being in school with them when they grow old.
Boo’s teacher is off school at the moment so she had a supply teacher who I had not met before. She thought I was Boo’s grandma!! To be really honest, how can I be upset. I am old enough to be her grandmother, I have children old enough to be her parents. I guess it’s one of those things when you have children later in life, on one hand they make you feel younger, on the other they make you feel so much older.
Then you have to take into consideration of my appearance. I can’t walk properly and although I didn’t use my wheelchair this time, I was walking with sticks. Also, I’ve had to change my wardrobe because my skin hurts and I can’t wear tight clothes anymore. I generally wear dresses for comfort and ease. My jeans have been ditched!
Admit it! I look like an old lady!
Suddenly my perspective on life is changing. A couple off years ago I had so much trouble coming to terms with reaching fifty. I mean, it seems so old doesn’t it FIFTY. Middle aged, the golden years, OLD!! Of course once I turned fifty and didn’t feel any different I just carried on regardless, it wasn’t so bad.
Then I got sick and my mobility was affected. Sick and disabled and fifty!
I find now that looking back over the past makes me feel like I’ve been on this earth such a long time. My memories go back such a long way, my childhood so far far away. But the memories are there and they are so precious. I wonder, if as I get older, my memories will become confused? Maybe I’ll start mixing up memories of my older children with that of my younger ones.
Memories are important, no matter what age. You need to keep making them as happy and as memorable as you can. Life is short, fill it up, enjoy it, don’t wallow, get out there, make your story a good one.
I’ve been so low this year thinking about the future and if I actually have one. It’s hard living with a disability, especially one that appears overnight and takes everything away. I had to learn to walk again from scratch, and now even a year later my body refusing to respond properly. It’s difficult looking to the future, I don’t know what is going to happen to me but I know it’s only going to get worse. I wanted to be around to watch my younger children grow up, I want to be a part of their entire childhood and maybe achieve my dream of becoming a grandma for real one day.
Instead of looking forward I’ve spent some time looking back and the memories are what keeps me going. I don’t have parents any more but I have so many happy, lovely memories. My Dad passed away when I was very young but I still remember him taking me to the bluebell woods, or the brook in the park where I could paddle in the water.
My mum passed away 8 years ago but it doesn’t seem that long. I can always pull a memory of my mum from my mind. Dancing at family parties, going to the tulip festival, having fun on the beach on our many big family holidays. We once pitched our huge frame tent on a field in Weymouth only to find the next day that our ‘plot’ was water logged. so mum came up with a great idea, instead of taking the tent apart again to move it, we could all get inside, grab a pole and ‘walk’ the tent up the field. It worked, but it was hilarious, especially from the outside seeing this huge tent sprout legs and walk up a field.
I have made many memories for my older children, I’m sure they will remember them and me in years to come. I also plan to continue making memories for my younger ones, for as long as I can.
My story will be a good one to remember, I’ll make sure of that.