Thank goodness Mother’s Day is over for another year, it’s become a day I loathe.
I realised that I wasn’t going to get anything this year, so on Saturday I took things into my own hands. I persuaded everyone that we needed a trip to the shopping centre. I needed to go to the cemetery and it was on the way, so no excuses. Once there I gave Graham my card and told him to take the kids to buy me presents.
Just a few days earlier, I’d been buying birthday cards in the Card Factory and it was full of lovely gifts, mugs, candles, photo frames, pens. Some might call it tat, but I love stuff like that and would have been happy with anything they had chosen.
While they were shopping I decided to browse The Works, but I wasn’t alone in there for five minutes when my family descended on me. The Poundland carrier in my husband’s hand disheartened me. I already guessed that I wasn’t worth a 10 minute wait in a queue in The Card Factory.
The Real Sadness
But it’s not just the lack of tat, or thought, that saddens me. There are so many other reasons to hate Mother’s Day. There are women out there who have never managed to have children no matter how much they wanted them. How must Mother’s Day feel for them?
There are Mother’s who have lost their children, the pain must be firmly in their hearts on Mother’s Day.
Then there are Mother’s and children that are estranged. How sad to be apart on a day that celebrates their relationship.
I was estranged from my Mum for five years. I can’t tell you why, but it wasn’t because of anything either of us had done. Every Mother’s Day I would browse the cards in the shops, I may have even picked one or two up before rushing out with tears in my eyes. I missed my Mum so much, and I know she missed me too. Mother’s Day seemed so much worse than birthday’s or Christmas. This was the day to celebrate our relationship, which was in tatters.
A New Beginning Before the End
One Mother’s Day I picked up one of those cards in the shop and bought it. I wrote it and took it to my aunt to give to my Mum. I didn’t even know where my Mum lived at the time.
A few days later I got a letter thanking me for the card, and it included a phone number if I wished to use it. A bridge was built.
It took three years to get close to my Mum again, and that was only because we made a rule not to talk about the past. We both accepted what had happened was wrong, but we couldn’t talk about it without falling out all over again.
I met my Mum again for the first time a week before Star was born. She met Star and Boo and it was lovely to share my new babies with her. We planned to spend Christmas together for the first time in 8 years, and we did. I held her hand on Christmas morning in a hospice. She didn’t make it until the end of the day.
Now, every Mother’s Day I’m reminded that my Mum is no longer here.
Losing your Mum is like losing a part of yourself, a lifeline, an invisible umbilical cord that has kept it’s hold throughout your life.
Mother’s Day 2019
The Little Man woke me up and was so excited because he’d managed to sleep an extra hour and had given me a lie-in on Mother’s Day. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the clocks had gone forward an hour in the night and he’d woken at the same time as usual.
He rushed downstairs before me and grappled with his school bag. He brought out a card he’d made at school and gave to me, along with a big kiss and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day.’
He made my day. It couldn’t get any better than that.
(and it didn’t)
I overheard a Mother talking to her adult son a few days earlier.
” On Sunday you will be at my house at 12pm sharp, and you are taking me for lunch. Don’t forget, you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me.”
Maybe I’m doing this mothering thing all wrong?
I’m sorry that Mother’s Day brings so many tainted memories for you. It is a strange day and just as commercial as Valentine’s Day now, with all the downers to go with it. I think Little Man is a hero. Also the primary school teachers that help to make sure mothers have a handmade card on the day. They are the bees knees. I’m pretty sure that the way to do it is to be as organizing as the mother you overheard. Filing that for a later date! #MMBC
Yes, I do think I’m way to soft sometimes, and I expect everyone to read my mind too. From now one I’ll be much clearer in my instructions…well, maybe
I normally enjoy mothers day but I really struggled this year. Its my first one without my mom and the loss just seemed to big to be able to celebrate. I am glad you were reconciled with your Mom and got to spend time with her, that must be a great comfort x #mmbc
It’s so difficult isn’t it, sending hugs x
I love your honest post. Glad that your son came up trumps! I have also lost my mum so would hate Mother’s Day. Fortunately it is not celebrated over here. We have Family Day instead and no one particular person gets all the gifts. #MMBC
Family day sounds lovely Lisa x
This is a lovely post. I agree Mother’s Day is prickly. My mom is the one at the end. It is one of the holidays we don’t care forget. #MMBC
I understand your feelings. I don’t hate Mother’s Day but it is sad for me. My mother died when I was in my 30’s. Our relationship had been trying from adolescence until my 30’s. I reached a place of acceptance of who my mother was at about 30, and she visited me each winter down in Miami escaping the cold of the north. I love my “mamma” so much and miss her but also realize that if she walked in the door now, her “smothering” would drive me crazy.
Sometimes it is only in your later years that you truly appreciate your Mum, I’m sorry you miss your Mamma too x
It is rubbish that it can be such a sad day for some people. For years I hated it because my mother and I had no contact but I have moved past that now.
I am glad you got to make up with your mum before she passed away.
Aww! Bless your boy and the card. x
Yes, the boy came up trumps 🙂 x
What connotations the day has for you, Anne. So sad about your mom, and all that had passed — or not passed — between you. I must admit to a smile when you were talking about dropping your kids off with money and instructions. When my dad was alive, he wouldn’t have been great at the sentimental side, even though he was emotionally very tuned in for a man of his generation, but even by his standards he produced a beauty when he pulled the car up outside the local newsagents, handed my sister — then a young teen — a quid and told her, “Go in there and buy yourself a birthday card!” We laugh about it still
That is a funny story Enda, thanks for sharing
I’m sorry to hear this Anne, reading it made me really cross as I know how much you do for your family and you really deserve a treat and to be made to feel special. I think you should treat yourself to something lovely in honour of the wonderful mum you are x #MMBC
Mother’s Day is such a hard one. I used to see all my mates having this amazing time, but as I got older I realised it’s all pretty hard on all of us. It reminds us of what we don’t have far more than what we do. Lost mothers and grandmothers, and children. A lack of any care of effort from people who we believe genuinely love us, and then a ‘day off’, which invariably is actually a day staring at worsening mess followed by the Monday from hell where we clear up all the pots and wipe the tables, hoover and the rest of it, and generally catch up with everything we would have done the day before, but it was our ‘day off’.
I had a lovely day, I can’t deny it, but 11 years ago when I was pregnant with our collective no.6 (out of 7) and it was our first Mother’s Day all living together in the same house, my partner and the kids did nothing at all. I took to my bed at 10.30am and refused to get out for the rest of the day. It was a bold move unlike me, but it’s served me well since. Next year Anne xx
So sorry lovely. I understand that. I am like that about Father’s Day. It has hard and difficult to celebrate when you missed. I don’t get fussed about it and would rather we didn’t celebrate it, but my inlaws insist we do. Hugs xx
I’m sorry to read about what has happened in your life. I feel that mothers day and fathers day are very commercial these days. My girls gave me little cards they made at preschool – so sweet although they do look a little like wanted photos attached lol #mmbc
haha, I love the hand made cards, it’s just a shame I only have one young enough to do it at school now.