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Raisie Bay

Word of the Week #42 -Worry

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Hello and welcome to the home of Word of the Week, a nice and simple weekly linky, with everyone welcome to pop by and share. The idea of the linky is to reflect back on your past week and share it with us. It’s great if you can sum it up in a word or phrase, hence giving us your Word of the Week. My word this week is Worry and you can read more about that below.

I’m not totally strict on using just a word or phrase but please try to stick to the theme of summing up your week.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Since adding this link up party to a directory I’ve noticed a lot of posts, in particular, recipe posts, that do not fit in with the theme of this linky. I have made the decision to remove these posts from further link ups. So please don’t link up anything unless it includes a summary of your week or events in your life. Thank you for your understanding

There are not too many rules with this linky, just remember to read at least another couple of posts in the link up after adding your link. I will read and comment on all posts and tweet them out for you. I also have a Pinterest board devoted to Word of the Week and I will add posts to Mix Please add the badge below to your post so that others may find us and join in. If you comment or tweet then please use the hashtag #WotW

Word of the Week is open from 6am on Friday Morning to 12 noon on Monday. Plenty of time to join in!

If you are unfamiliar with the Word of the Week linky then please feel free to ask any questions. New linkers are always welcome, we love to hear what you have been up to in the past week.

MY WORD OF THE WEEK

Worry

a person twiddling their thumbs and the word worry

Monday was the day I missed my first hospital treatment and despite my worrying, it’s so far so good. I also received the letter of feedback from my consultant who has plans for the future if I don’t go back to the IVIG. I feel kind of strange because I wanted the IVIG so much at first, I felt it would be my miracle cure. And I’ve struggled with it not giving me the relief I had hoped for. The side effects have been horrendous and I’m pretty sure it was doing more damage than good. I guess time will tell if I’m better off without it. Although, I admit, I will miss the lovely staff on the ward.

Also, this week I got the results from my mammogram and all is well. I knew it would be, I had no suspicions and the test was just routine. But it’s weird how you go for a routine test and then worry constantly until the results come back. All the ‘what ifs’ have been going around my head this week.

On Monday we had friends around who were going through a rough patch and needed some outside opinions. We were happy to help but I swear, I felt like banging their heads together. How can two people not see that their problems are nothing to worry about. Of course, it’s easy for me to say, I’m the outsider. But, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and ‘Frankie says Relax.’ (Oh yes, that t-shirt!)

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

I know it’s easier said than done. I know that worry plays a huge part in so many lives, mine included. I don’t think anyone is ever free from worry, even if it’s not personal it’s, what will happen after Brexit, what damage are we doing to our planet and so on.

Worry can be a good thing because with out it we might not reach out for help. We may not make any changes. And it brings so much relief once our fears have subsided.

So, even though I feel ovewhelmed with so many things to worry about right now, I know that deep down, I will be happy again some day.

Now, it’s over to you, what word or phrase sums up your week this week.

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Everybody Hurts, Sometimes

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Just over a year ago I wrote a post called I Let it Go. I wrote about how I deal with the bad things that have happened (And still happen) to me. It’s my way of coping because I truly believe that not moving on only causes more pain and everybody hurts sometimes.

Yesterday I had a difficult and emotional day. It was no problem of mine but I was trying to help a couple deal with their problems. They exhausted me because they just didn’t know how to let it go. The problem actually started a year ago and instead of moving on from it and improving things from then, they’ve let it fester and not expressed any kind of forgiveness or responsibility on either side. Yes, apologies were given, but not truly accepted. And, of course, each one held on to the view that it was the other ones fault.

Not Forgiving is Bad for Your Mental Health.

At one point, to one member of the couple, I blurted out just a few of the awful things that have happened in my life. I know their life hasn’t been easy, but hey, it’s not a competition. I just wanted to point out that I could let these things consume me and drive me insane. Or, as I do, I could let them just be bad things that happened and get on with my life. I don’t let them consume me. Yes, it hurts to think about them (And talk about them even more) but I can, and I still survive. I take responsibility, because we make choices in our lives. Some things are out of our control be we an still take responsibility on how we deal with them afterwards.

I forgive people who have hurt me because it stops the hurt from continuing. But it’s so hard to explain to those that just don’t ‘get it.’ By forgiving, you are not saying, ‘hey, it’s ok you did that shitty thing to me,’ but it is fixing something in your mind. In your head you can think, ok, that’s done with now, I dealt with it and survived. If I don’t let it go it will consume me and that will mean that it will go on hurting me forever.

Forgiving is good for you, not them.

Everybody Hurts

Everybody hurts, sometimes. A sillouhette of a woman from the back sitting

We hurt in different ways, we deal with things in different ways. One persons worst experience of their life can be a drop in the ocean compared to the other, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting them just as bad.

Yesterday I felt frustrated because this couple’s problems were so insignificant, so futile, so easily solved with just a tiny bit of love and understanding. Yet, they were on the verge of destroying each other.

I don’t know if I helped at all in the end. Honestly, I was exhausted and frustrated and wanted to bang their heads together (And told them so.) But here are the rules I live by, the things that get me through the tough times.

My Rules

  • Listen – when arguing it’s hard because you want to have your say and you are angry. But sometimes you need to listen to the other person. Even if you can’t agree or believe a word they say, if you don’t listen there will never be a resolution.
  • Be Honest – Honesty is key, even if it hurts the other person. Don’t lie, it only makes things worse, even if the lie is told just to resolve the argument or make the other person feel better. Lie’s bite back so always be honest even if it makes things worse for a while.
  • Forgive – possibly the hardest thing to do is to forgive the wrongdoings against you. It may be a person that has hurt you, or just life itself. But by forgiving you are giving yourself permission to move on.
  • Take the Bad Times and Deal With them – Again, something really difficult. But bad times happen and sometimes there is no blame. For example, who can I blame for my illness? It’s just something pretty awful that happened to me, and the timing of it was pretty crap too. But, I can let it consume me or I can get on with things. If I let it consume me then what good will that do? I deal with it in whatever way I can, whether it’s taking advantage of all the downtime I get (i.e. when I can’t even move) to watch tv or read a book without any guilt of feeling lazy because the washing is piling up. Or, looking forward to spending quality time with my family and doing something fun no matter how small. There are always some things good, no matter how small and by appreciating them, you can help alleviate the rest of the crap in life.
  • Don’t Sweat the Small Things – or, under the same category, pick your battles. Some things are just not worth getting stressed out about, it will only make you feel worse. Same as some arguments. Everyone has times when they’ve ‘lost the plot’ over something that on reflection seems petty. Think before you act or speak. Not easy, but something that you can get used to doing and in the long run it makes life a lot smoother.

Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or psychologist (although I may have some qualifications in that area) but these are the rules that I live by, hence the title My Rules.

Feel the Quiet

Something I have always done, even before mindfulness became a ‘thing’ is to make sure that I have some quiet time to myself. Some time to organise my thoughts and evaluate them. I have found different ways of doing them in the past. As a young teen I’d walk down to the cemetary and sit by my Dad’s grave and talk to him. If he was alive he’d have probably been more annoyed with me that my Mum or anyone else who’d upset me into being there. But the peace and quiet helped me realise what was wrong and give me the leverage to sort it out.

As I got older I found writing things down helped. I have journals and diaries going back years and years.

Sometimes going for a walk or drive alone can help to get your head in order. When I had post natal depression after my first born I found walking to the park with my baby in the pram and just walking and walking, helped so much. (Plus it helped get rid of the baby fat..bonus!)

If things blow up at home then I retire to my room. I rarely get much peace as someone or other will always keep popping in to see if I’m okay. But taking myself away from arguments and (Trying) to find a little peace and quiet helps a lot.

Write things down. I know I’ve already said this, but it’s worth repeating. Even if you don’t keep a journal, get a scrap of paper and write it all down, exactly how you feel. Then you can read it, keep it, or throw it in the bin. It’s all a good form of therapy.

Laughter

Laughter is a good medicine. I like to put something on the television that makes me laugh, or maybe play a game with my kids that we find fun (we have some good games that involve being silly that are helpful.) Laughing is good for you and even if you are feeling really low it can help lift you up a little.

Yesterday when our friends just couldn’t find peace with each other, me and my husband told them things about each other that drive us nuts, but instead of getting angry about them we told them in a funny way and ending up laughing at the stupidity of it all. Yes, even amongst the tears we made them smile. Laughter is good.

If All Else Fails, it’s Ok not to be Ok.

We all feel pretty crap at times. Some people find it difficult to express just how crap they feel. They’ve been through tough times and they are hardened to everything. No-one is going to see them break down and cry because their heart is breaking, or they can’t seem to make someone else understand them.

Life can treat you bad and yes, you can build up your barriers and be strong. Being strong is something that is thrown around a lot, “you’re so strong because of all you’ve had to deal with” seems to be a huge compliment. But it’s ok to be vulnerable too. In fact it takes a very strong person to break down and cry when they are hurting. There is no shame in hurting, we all feel it. Cry if you need to. Show that you are hurting, even if its in private. Without feeling vulnerable you’ll never feel happiness. Just take a listen to Brene Brown on Ted Talks, or read one of her books. She knows what she’s talking about.

Here’s a few pointers from her about vulnerability

  • Say we are sorry and that we’ll fix it
  • let ourselves be seen
  • believe that who we are is enough
  • practice gratitude and joy
  • love with our whole hearts
  • know that all that we do and say has an effect on others
  • Know that emotions cannot be numbed
  • Let go of blame
  • Stop screaming and start listening.

(I think this shows I have learnt a lot from Brene Brown)

Final Words

You are never alone, there is always someone out there that will listen and if there is no-one close by then do ask for help elsewhere.

Resources:

There is no shame in not being strong, brave or feeling vulnerable. There is no shame in seeking help.

Do let me know your tips in the comments, or what you think of mine.

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BLOGTOBER 2019 POSTS

My Sunday Photo – Impractical Jokers

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The highlight of my week was going to see The Impractical Jokers Live at Birmingham Arena.

Impractical Jokers on stage
Where’s Larry?

My eldest daughter, Boo and myself are huge fans of the Impractical Jokers. We stumbled upon them one day when looking for something to watch and had switched to Comedy Central and instantly fell in love.

The Impractical Jokers

Close up of Impractical jokers, Murr, Sal, Joe and Q

Zooming in, as our seats were up in the Circle. I had a Wheelchair space and couldn’t get any closer. Bonus, when in a wheelchair you get a free seat for your carer (2 for 1.) Drawback, wheelchair seating can be fantastic with excellent views, or as in this case, stuck out of the way. It didn’t spoil the evening though. There were 3 huge screens so we didn’t miss anything and it was still great to see the guys live.

Cranjis Mc Basketball Tour of UK

The Impractical Jokers are actually a comedy group called The Tenderloins and their tour, Cranjis Mc Basketball, is in the British Isles* until 20th October when they perform last in Dublin.

If you have ever seen the television program, The Impractical Jokers, you will see that it’s about 4 life long friends who get each other to play pranks on the unsuspecting public. They are childish, ridiculous and can be side splittingly funny.

They may have to perform a particular task, like get people to order off their ridiculous menu in a restaurant, or approach the public with an ear piece and have to do or say whatever the other jokers say.

The tour is different, because although it’s the same four guys, they are performing a stand up comedy routine. They do have some funny pre-recorded videos to show, must of it is what you’d expect from a stand up routine.

It felt like being in the pub with your mates while they told you funny stories (oh I miss those days) with each one interrupting each other to add something a little more hilarious, or to make the storyteller look a bit ridiculous. It was obviously well rehearsed, but it felt personal and fun.

My Daughters Got a Better View

Closer view from daughters seats

Originally, my eldest daughter had booked two tickets for her and myself much closer to the stage. Unfortunately she hadn’t considered the fact that I wouldn’t be allowed there in my wheelchair, that’s why I had to book more tickets. This meant that Eldest daughter had a spare seat, so we took Boo along with us.

The show comes with a recommended age of 16, but I called them and they said children were allowed so long as they were accompanied by an adult. The also informed me that there would be some bad language and sexual references. It took a lot of thought I but I decided that Boo would be ok. For one, she’s not unused to swearing (I’m the only adult in the house that doesn’t swear) and I was sure most of the sexual references would go over her head. I had no need to worry, she was so star struck by seeing the Jokers for real that everything else didn’t matter. The swearing was not so bad, in fact it was very mild (although the warm up act was worse.) And as suspected the sexual references went over her head.

She did make us laugh on the way home in the car. One of the Joker’s had told a story about mistaking a condom for a lozenge and he’d thrown it at someone. Boo asked us what a lozenge was, so we explained. Then we asked if she knew what a condom was and she said “Yes, we learned all about condoms in Geography at school.” We were in hysterics, but she insisted she was right, and even went on to describe what a condom was.

Final Thoughts.

Although, the show was nothing like the television show we really enjoyed it. I think by watching the tv show we’d come to know the Jokers in a personal way. We have learnt over the last eight series of the show a lot about Joe, Sal, Brian (Q) and James (Murr) that the stories they told on stage were very funny. I do think, however, that if you didn’t know them so well you wouldn’t have understood most of the jokes and the way they interacted. Also, if you were going with the hopes of seeing anything like the television show you would have been dissapointed. There were no pranks.

The end of the show was amazing, they were throwing merchandise into the audience, singing and dancing, and grabbing mobiles off the audience to take selfies of themselves with the audience members. They really showed how much they appreciate their fans.

*British Isles – I used this term to cover England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland and Northern Ireland. Although they use the term UK, sadly at this time I can’t think of my country as United anything.


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BLOGTOBER 2019 POSTS

6 Reflections on Autumn

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Autumn used to be my favourite month. I say used to be because my feeling have changed as I’ve become older.

Autumn Changes

the colours of autumn leaves

Change is synonomous with Autumn. I have my reasons for changing my feelings about the season, probably because of the changes in my life. I used to love the changing leaves and watching them fall in their amazing colours. I loved the trees becoming bare and showing their branches. I welcomed the shortened days (And not only because it’s easier to get the kids to bed when it’s actually dark.) I also welcomed the cooler weather and being able to wrap up in layers and warmer clothes. I’ve never really been a sun worshipper.

As you get older you reach the Autumn of your life as you watch your body change too. But unlike the leaves falling off the trees, you know that come next Spring you are not going to be renewed and become beautiful again.

The Mystery of Autumn

pumpkins and candles and mysterious things going on at halloween

Autumn holds lots of mystery. You have Halloween and the mystery of the spookiness surrounding the celebrations. You have a sense of the unknown, what is going to happen next. Yes, ok you can have plans but once you reach this stage of life, it is a mystery as to where you will go next. Why do we have to get older, why do things have to change?

One of the mysteries I have fall upon me every Autumn is ‘where the heck am I going to get the money to afford a load of Christmas presents.’ A lot of people don’t want to think of Christmas this soon, but for some it’s a necessity, which brings me neatly on to my next reflection.

Planning for Autumn

Autumn is a great time for planning, whether it’s for Christmas celebrations or holidays next summer. As those freezing cold months approach it’s nice to avert our thoughts with the joys of summer next year. That’s forward planning to get you through the winter.

You are probably planning a new wardrobe too. The weather is getting colder and it’s time to put away the shorts and t-shirts and get out the winter woolies and coats.

I’ve been thinking up some plans too, as I’m not getting any younger and I have a chronic illness, my thoughts are turning to what will I leave behind. I’m not rushing off to write a will, I don’t have that much to leave in that sense. But what about memories, and photos and even videos (cringe.) I would like to think that my children (And maybe, possibly, even my future grandchildren) will have some visual memories of me.

Comfort

Autumn brings comfort in many ways. First of all there is the comfort of a nice warm fire or central heating. When I was a kid we had not double glazing or central heating, so the colder months would involve taping cling film to the winter and grabbing a few extra blankets for the bed. I’d also have a hot water bottle and possible even go to bed in my dressing gown.

These days we are lucky to have a new house with good insulation and central heating. In fact we rarely notice the cold at all. Although I do tend to have a draft excluder at my patio doors. If I get cold I’ll reach for an extra layer or a blanket before switching on the heating, and it’s not just frugality. I don’t like the ‘dry’ heat from radiators.

I find that being unable to work and not being able to do very much at all that snuggling up and being comfortable is a lot easier in winter than it is in Summer. When it’s warm and sunny outside I always get that feeling that Im missing out on something, and that I should be outside and enjoying myself.

Preservation

I believe that Autumn makes you think of preservation. We know that we can’t preserve the nature that is crumbling around us, but we can think of self preservation. Looking after yourself is most important this time of year. A lot of people suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder that often begins as the darkness gets earlier. It’s important to preserve your mental health and take care of it so that you don’t get pulled under with depression.

Letting Go

Just as the trees and flowers let go of their leaves and blooms, as you get older you think about all the things that you can let go of.

Stress is one thing, we can all do with less of that. If only we could shed it like the leaves from a tree? But we can consider the things we can let go of that cause the most stress.

We can also let go of some of the work we do ourselves, maybe consider delegating them to others. The kids will be willing to help more in the house at this time of year, especially if they are wanting some expensive Christmas gifts. Is that taking advantage? Maybe, but it also helps to alleviate some of the stress you are feeling and it fills a purpose for others.

Without getting too morbid, Autumn can also make you think about your demise. When will it be your winter and your body is no longer warm? It’s never an easy thing to think about. But when you are getting older and your body seems to be having a battle with itself, then maybe now is the time to to give this some thought

And if you are still young, and nowhere near reaching the Autumn of your lives. Remember, Spring will be along again soon and the fresh colourful beauty of youth will re-appear.

Autumn once meant playing conkers with my friends. Then it was making leaf collages with my kids. Now I relate it to ageing and survival.

Daft question of the day. Do you think Tortoises miss Christmas?

tortoise
blogtober 2019
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BLOGTOBER 2019 POSTS



Word of the Week #41 Blogtober

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Hello and welcome to the home of Word of the Week, a nice and simple weekly linky, with everyone welcome to pop by and share. The idea of the linky is to reflect back on your past week and share it with us. It’s great if you can sum it up in a word or phrase, hence giving us your Word of the Week. My word this week is blogtober and you can read more about that below.

I’m not totally strict on using just a word or phrase but please try to stick to the theme of summing up your week.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Since adding this link up party to a directory I’ve noticed a lot of posts, in particular, recipe posts, that do not fit in with the theme of this linky. I have made the decision to remove these posts from further link ups. So please don’t link up anything unless it includes a summary of your week or events in your life. Thank you for your understanding

There are not too many rules with this linky, just remember to read at least another couple of posts in the link up after adding your link. I will read and comment on all posts and tweet them out for you. I also have a Pinterest board devoted to Word of the Week and I will add posts to Mix Please add the badge below to your post so that others may find us and join in. If you comment or tweet then please use the hashtag #WotW

Word of the Week is open from 6am on Friday Morning to 12 noon on Monday. Plenty of time to join in!

If you are unfamiliar with the Word of the Week linky then please feel free to ask any questions. New linkers are always welcome, we love to hear what you have been up to in the past week.

MY WORD OF THE WEEK

Blogtober

I was struggling for a word to sum up this week so I’ve decided to go wtih Blogtober. For those of you unfamiliar with Blogtober it’s a challenge set every October to blog every day. You can follow prompts or just blog whatever you want. I’ve been doing it now for three years and although it can be challenging to blog every day, it can also be rewarding. It helps to get the creative juices flowing. It also helps to connect to other bloggers who are taking part. This year 3 Little Buttons is hosting the linky.

We also have a special Facebook group to share our posts and ideas, and egg each other on. It’s a great community.

This Blogtober So Far

We are currently 11 days in and I’ve managed to post 10 days so far. I started with my monthly Chronic Illness writing prompts post and I’ve also included last weeks Word of the Week as well as my Sunday Photos which I publish weekly anyway. I’ve also posted about Breast Cancer Awareness, Fashion, a poem, a give away and a couple of personal posts about The School Run and what I like to watch on television. I think I’ve done pretty well so far and I hope to continue for the rest of the month.

Mental Health

Yesterday was mental health awareness day, but I didn’t post about it. I’m struggling at the moment and although they say talking is good, and it really is, I couldn’t quite put my thoughts and feelings into words. I did absorb other bloggers post’s on the subject though. Sharing is good, it makes you feel less alone.

The Best Medicine

They say laughter is the best medicine and tonight I’m off to see the American comedy group, The Tenderloins, perform Cranjies Mc Basketball Comedy Tour. The Tenderloins are better known as The Impracticle Jokers from the Comedy Channel. We have all our favourite shows recorded on our TIVO box, from all 8 series of the show. It doesn’t matter how many times we watch them, they always make us laugh.

The Impractical Jokers are four friends that play the most ridiculously childish games and pranks and each week the loser has to do a mortifying challenge at the end. Totally stupid and simply hilarious. We all need to find our inner child sometimes don’t we?

So now it’s over to you, what word or phrase sums up your week this week.

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BLOGTOBER 2019 POSTS