People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have a hard time managing their emotions; they have heightened reactions to perceived slights or criticism. This makes them have unstable moods and intense emotional distress. They have an unhealthy way of seeing themselves, which affects how they do things and relate with others. Additionally, an intense fear of abandonment and the thought of being left alone scares them. Yet, they struggle to keep and maintain a relationship. This article will discuss why people with BPD struggle with relationships.
Not Regulating Emotions
The way a person handles their emotions can affect their relationship. For any courtship to work, couples must adapt to their partner’s emotional reactions. Failing to do this will reduce relationship satisfaction and lower intimacy levels. Since people with BPD struggle to manage their emotions, they often have reactive or impulse behavior, which leads them to make quick decisions or verbal or physical aggression. They also have frequent misunderstandings, extreme thinking, and various subtypes of borderline personality disorder. As a result, they push their partners away and sometimes create a barrier in a relationship that they might never overcome.
Fear of Being Alone
It is common for people to feel lonely, an emotional experience that comes and goes after some time. Some people enjoy solitude and use it to learn about themselves and focus on personal growth. Unfortunately, people with BPD cannot handle the thought of being alone. That is because the mental health disorder makes them fear being abandoned or rejected. Therefore, they develop an unhealthy attachment to their partners. In some cases, they adapt to the mannerisms and beliefs of those they are in a relationship with. They even share intimate details with them to fast-track a relationship. Sadly, being clingy in courtship is an unattractive relationship trait as it creates an unhealthy lack of boundaries, which might scare away the other partner.
Self-Esteem Instability
People with BPD struggle with a sense of self-worth. At one time, they might have extremely low self-esteem and feel worthless, which leads to negative beliefs about themselves and their abilities. During such times, they might even hurt themselves or attempt murder. On other occasions, they might feel on top of the world and better than others. During such episodes, they do not listen to advice, associate with people, and are unwilling to negotiate as they make demands of what they want. Due to the confusion about their identity, people with BPD have inconsistent behaviors and boundaries. This makes it difficult for their partners to understand the person’s changing needs and desires. This condition undermines trust and causes instability in a relationship.
Admiring and Devaluation of Partner
Most people with BPD are fun and exciting to be around. They also have strong emotions and a strong desire for intimacy. This explains why they attract partners easily. Additionally, they can show extreme idolization for a person by expressing deep love and admiration for them. Unfortunately, this does not last; after some time, they will experience extreme devaluation, where they express intense anger or resentment towards their partners. As a result, partners might have difficulty understanding the person’s changing needs and desires, making them feel insecure. In addition, people with BPD might seek validation from others, and that might undermine trust in a relationships. Without trust, there is likely to be distress and conflict.
These are the reasons people with BPD struggle to maintain relationships. Those struggling with one or more symptoms should seek professional help to understand themselves and manage their emotions better.
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