Coming out of the Closet, Now that I’ve cleaned it!

They say that a clean closet is good for your mind. Well, these days, I strive for anything that is good for my mind. It’s the only healthy part of me and I’m not willing to let that go.

First up, I have chosen the word closet because that’s the word that it’s known as world wide, but I prefer to call it a wardrobe. Which do you prefer, closet or wardrobe?

My wardrobe is ancient. I so want a new one and that is one of the reasons for my purge. What’s the point of a sparkly new wardrobe when you are going to stuff it full of things you don’t need? So, clearing it out was the obvious thing to do.

I had to do it in stages, it was hard work. And if I’m totally honest, I will have to go through it once again, once the dust has settled.

I started with the clothes that have been in there for the longest time, longer than the little kids, longer than the house move, longer than my relationship with my husband. Oh dear yes, I’m not very good at this clearing out thing. It is like my mind, full of useless thoughts that clamour amongst the things I need to remember, and crushing them.

Then it was the ‘going out’ clothes, the fancy frocks, skirts and shiny tops. I mean, I rarely go out at all now, never mind going out out. So, I figured that I should just have one outfit for any special occasions that I can’t get out of attending and the rest could go. None of them would fit me now anyway.

That brings me on to the clothes that don’t fit. Now for the longest time I stayed the same size throughout, disregarding the pregnancies of course. This meant that clothes were kept because they fitted me, never mind that I wouldn’t wear them anymore. Since I got sick nearly three years ago I have fluctuated much more in weight. At one point I was the same weight as pregnant thanks to the drugs I was given. Thankfully I managed to lose a lot but being fairly inactive it is hard to lose weight and I’ve not returned to my previous weight or dress size.

Then there is my illness, I have issues with my nerves and this means I cannot stand some materials against my skin. I constantly feel a shiver of pins and needles through my limbs and if I put on something too tight, too light or too rough those pins and needles become more like constant static electric shocks. My previous staples of jeans and jumpers or t-shirts are now a no go for wearing. My beloved jeans have had to go. 

But it was the shoes that got me. I can’t wear heels, this hadn’t really bothered me that much as I lived in flats, trainers and low heel boots anyway. However, there is something about slipping into a pair of heels to finish off a lovely outfit, then swanning off to somewhere where you just know you are going to have fun and feel like a million dollars. Even though I’ve not really been much of a going out person for many years (blame the kids) when I did, it was the dressing up and getting ready that was just the best feeling. 

I have long legs and they were always my best feature, long, slim and perfect for heels, never mind putting me a couple of inches above a lot of blokes! I didn’t wear heels often, but when I wore them, I wore them well.

My heels are gone! I may have even wiped away a tear. What is a woman without her heels?

Today I realised there is no going back. This is it. There is no cure, there are no treatments guaranteed to work. The old me is gone forever.

They say that clearing out your closet is good for your mind. I think doing mine almost broke me. Almost, but not quite because now I can look forward to getting a new wardrobe and filling it with things that I feel comfortable in. I will re-invent myself and come out the other side. It was all a load of old tat anyway, sitting there, reminding me of the past. The past is gone, but the future has so much more to offer and I’m going to grab it and enjoy it.

Who needs heels when you’ve got wheels!