Why Do We Worry About Our Kids?

We spend so much of our lives worrying about our kids and I don’t mean just the little things, I’m on about the big things. How, will they grow up? Will they be successful? Will they be happy? Will they get a good job? And so, so much more.

Then you worry if the way you are bringing them up, nurturing them, is it right, are you doing a good job?
You think it’s all down to you, how you discipline them, how you teach them, how you let them know they are loved and cared for. 
You believe that their life choices are what you nurture them for. You want the very best for them.
When your child is born your life changes forever. That tiny little bundle now in your arms is your responsibility, you have to be there for them every step of the way right up into adult hood and beyond. It’s all down to you. 
So, now you worry about how huge this responsibility is and if you can get it right. You may just go with the flow, you may read every book, you may ask your friends and family for advice. Everyone has their own way. There are so many ways too, which path do you choose, which parenting method is right for you, what if you get it wrong? It’s all such a worry.
I’m there right now. I  have three young children that I worry about daily. Do they spend too much time on screens? Are they doing alright at school? Are they happy? Do they get enough fresh air? Are they sleeping right?
I’m lucky, I’ve been there before, I can learn from my mistakes. Or so I thought.
I have two grown up children that I don’t talk about here on my blog at their request. But by bringing them up to adult hood it has given me experience and I’ve learnt a lot. Their Dad left us while they were quite young and he moved to another country so they didn’t see him very often. Most of the parenting was left to me. Of course, I’d done all the motherly things for them, but it was generally Dad who did the discipline, I was such a ‘Wait until your father gets home’ kind of mum.’ It was really difficult taking over the discipline once he’d gone. I certainly wasn’t as strict as he’d been. More worry for me.
I did my best. In fact I did pretty well considering I had two young children and a full time job and I was parenting alone. 
We did have a difficult time though and it took me a long time to accept that the things that happened were not my fault. Looking back I don’t know how I did it. We had more than our fair share of issues and problems and they were so drastic they changed our lives completely. But we came out the other side, I can’t say unscathed, but we are all still alive! 
So, what have I learned about bringing up children.
You can bring them up anyway you want but nature always has a say. Despite my older children having a lot less contact with their Dad than desired, they still very much carry his characteristics. Sometimes they do things that make me think they are just like their Dad! They have his personality embedded in them and even though I tried to make them individual, the nature versus nurture definitely wins sometimes. 
They need to know right from wrong and you are the person who can teach them that. Kids need direction, they need discipline. You don’t have to be mean or unkind, you don’t have to shout or punish if you wish. But you do need to keep them in check and make sure they know what’s right even if they don’t do what’s right all the time.
They need to know that you will always be there for them. My older kids often tell me that they appreciate that I’ve always been there for them. It’s the biggest compliment that they give me. No matter what we have been through I’ve supported them every step of the way. I could have given up at some stages, I could have  made very different decisions. But, I stood by my children always.
They need to know that you love them.  I have very different kids, some are clingy, some are not. But, I always tell them that I love them, show them that I care. Even the older kids still get praise from me. I will never stop telling them that they mean the world to me and that I love them. 
They do not need to burden your problems. This is something I’ve never done, even when my heart has been breaking I don’t put anything on my kids. This doesn’t mean that they don’t worry about me. They know when I am sad or sick and I appreciate their care and comfort. But I don’t push my problems and worries on them. 
Never use your kids as a weapon. We all know this is true, you can’t punish another person by stopping them seeing your kids. In the end the only person that truly gets hurt is the kids. They must come first in these situation. If they don’t want to be with another family member then you can take their feelings into account but you shouldn’t use that as a reason to punish another person. You shouldn’t say mean things about someone else to your kids either even though this may be difficult at times. They need to form their own opinions not have yours forced upon them.

I know that with my younger kids we won’t face the same issues as I did with my older kids, in fact most people will not experience what we went through. But, if there is something I’ve learned it’s that no amount of worry will change anything.

I’d love to finish this with saying don’t worry, but it’s natural and the truth is, you will always worry. But, don’t let that worry get in the way of the here and now. Take each day as it comes and make as many happy memories as you can. Then the worries will fade into the distance and you will do the very best for your children.

Debs Random Writings

Pink Pear Bear

Cuddle Fairy


  1. March 6, 2017 / 11:14 am

    Very wise words!
    I worry so much about everything including the kids….Last week someone asked what I was giving up for Lent and I said worrying about things I have no control over! I am trying hard, worrying less and I have found myself smiling and laughing more….

  2. March 6, 2017 / 11:55 am

    My mum says 'The bigger the kids. The bigger the worries! I definitely think that mothers worry more than fathers 🙂


  3. March 6, 2017 / 12:01 pm

    That's fabulous, I would love to give up worrying, it's never ending, but smiling more and worrying less about the things you have no control over helps a lot x

  4. pinkpearbear
    March 6, 2017 / 12:02 pm

    What a wise and insightful post. You're absolutely right in all that you say and I think that you are clearly doing a great job with all of your children. Thanks for being part of the #bigpinklink

  5. March 6, 2017 / 12:02 pm

    I do spend a lot of time worrying about my older kids even though they are adults! And yes, mothers must be the biggest of all worriers!

  6. Lisa__Deller
    March 6, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    Very true words indeed. I'm pretty laid back and tend just to cross bridges when they turn up. I hope that the girls will make the right choices, but I know sometimes they won't and when that happens I will be there to help them back up and get back on track. Being a mum is a tough job, but I think we're all doing ok #MMBC

  7. rebeccabeesley
    March 6, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    what great quotes about the rocking chair and stopping enjoying the good. Reading this I don't know how you did it either – well actually I do – you are an amazing, strong, caring, wonderful woman.

  8. beautybabyandme
    March 7, 2017 / 3:32 pm

    I am a born worrier and it's hard to stop that. It's about balance I guess – I'll always worry about my children. It's a Mums prerogative xx #candidcuddles

  9. March 8, 2017 / 10:58 am

    Thank you, I know I've messed up in the past but I have learnt from my mistakes and hopefully my kids will be ok.

  10. March 8, 2017 / 10:59 am

    I'm very laid back to and pick my fights with my kids, I do always stick the rule that no means no though.

  11. March 8, 2017 / 10:59 am

    Thank you Rebecca, I often worry that I'm not that good but I try my best x

  12. March 8, 2017 / 11:00 am

    It really is and we will always worry, but we shouldn't let the worry spoil the good times. x

  13. March 8, 2017 / 3:58 pm

    Great advice, thanks for sharing. I try not to let my worrying influence my children as I don't want them to worry themselves. #candidcuddles

  14. March 8, 2017 / 4:10 pm

    Nothing worries like a parent! It's important to keep it in check otherwise you'll do your own head in. Lovely post 🙂

  15. angiemwebster77
    March 9, 2017 / 11:27 am

    Trying not to worry is an impossibility isn't it. My children are 19,17,5 & 2 and each bring their own set of worries and challenges. As a mum I have to be up to the job but sometimes it's tough. Thanks for linking up with #TuesdayTreasures

  16. debsrandomwritings
    March 10, 2017 / 7:08 am

    Hi Anne, I love the rocking chair analogy. At the end of the day, it is nature over nurture. I believe that as parents we are here to be there and guide our children through their younger years until they are old enough and confident enough to take over the reigns. I learned pretty early to that other people's advice only confused me and made me fret, so once I realised that I followed my gut feeling. I won't say it lessened the worry, but by following my gut I knew the reasons behind my actions and it wasn't because someone else told me so. It gave me room to learn and grow as a person and parent. Parenting isn't a case of one cap fits all, parents and children are all different and the way they interact is different.

    How you coped raising two children and working full time on your own is beyond me, but it sounds as if you did a good job.


  17. optrixxaris1
    March 10, 2017 / 4:04 pm

    Very wise words. It sounds like you've been through a lot. #PostsFromTheHeart

  18. March 10, 2017 / 6:50 pm

    Great advice, I was never a worrier when my daughter was younger. As she's getting older I think I'm getting worse. It's like I can't help myself #bigpinklink

  19. March 11, 2017 / 4:37 pm

    The rocking chair one! Brilliant! Sounds like you've endured a lot but it's great that you've learned so much from it. Thanks for joining #candidcuddles !

  20. March 11, 2017 / 4:37 pm

    It's certainly unfair to pass our worries on to our children so well done

  21. March 11, 2017 / 4:38 pm

    We wouldn't be human if we didn't worry about our kids, it's tough but it has it's rewards too. x

  22. March 11, 2017 / 4:42 pm

    So true Deb, you can't really do better than listening to your own gut feeling, at least then you understand why you have done things the way you have. Parenting does make you grow as a person and it certainly isn't the same for everyone.
    When I was younger I once had three jobs while caring for my kids, I had to do them part time so I could spend as much time with them as possible. It was really hard when I lost the support of my family, I look back and have no idea how I coped. Thankfully it was shortly after that, that I met my current husband.


  23. March 11, 2017 / 4:42 pm

    Thank you, I don't often think of myself as wise x

  24. March 11, 2017 / 4:43 pm

    There are always different stages of parenting that bring worries, we tend to manage them ok though x

  25. The UnNatural Mother
    March 12, 2017 / 10:27 pm

    I think it's only natural to worry 24/7. It's just all part of the wonderful tapestry that is motherhood.#Postsfromtheheart

  26. RachelSwirl
    March 13, 2017 / 9:26 am

    I need to stop worrying a little… move with the flow a bit and try and relax. Thanks for joining in with #TuesdayTreasures

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