Don’t look forward, look back. Now, that is not my normal advice. For every step of life you shouldn’t dwell on the past but on the future. Keep on striving for what you want, there is always room for improvement and you have to make the best of your time on this planet.
In my own case, why should I look back on the past where I could walk and do so many things I can no longer do. I should look forward, think of how I can heal, think of how I can be better again.
But in this case I’m looking back, simply as a time scale. You see, at the moment I feel like I’m stuck in a 70 year old body, the pain, the immobility, the inability to live a normal life. I’m not 70 though, I have 18 years to go until I am 70. But 18 years doesn’t sound a lot does it, it will pass in a flash and if I even make it that long I’m going to be feeling 70 for a very long time. I look at friends and peers and think that they don’t look so aged as me, they are still enjoying life to the full, still working, still having fabulous holidays, still doing all the things they did before and even more because their kids are all grown up (or growing up quickly.)
So, I’m looking back.
Let me see, 18 years ago I was a single parent of two youngish children. I was working full time and juggling everything a single mum does. I was trying to date, whenever I could get a babysitter that was. Then my world exploded, exactly 18 years ago, and I almost lost everything including my sanity. I did lose my job and almost lost my home, I certainly lost my family apart from my two children and one of my brothers. It was a very low time for me indeed.
Then over the next two years I began to build things up again, I met my current husband, we started enjoying life again. I went on to have three more wonderful children and we moved from a very crowded small house to the lovely big house we have now. We built up to a stable and happy family life. Yes, we had our ups and downs but doesn’t everyone? 18 years ago I was rock bottom, but now it seems like a lifetime ago.
It only took me two years to get out of that awful place I was in 18 years ago. If I can improve my health and my life in the next two years then I will have plenty of time to carry on enjoying my life before I become a 70 year old in a 70 year old’s body. In fact, there are many of 70 year old’s and even older having a good life.
I’m going to fight this, I’m going to fight for a better life.
I know what I have to do and I’m going for it.
I’m not waiting for my miracle to happen, I’m going to make it happen.
I’m looking back because 18 years ago life was shit and I made it so much better.
I’m looking forward because I can feel 70 in 18 years, I’m not going to give in to feeling it now.