The Fractured Wrist and Parent Guilt

Last Thursday we had a call to pick up Star from school as she’d fallen up the stairs and hurt her wrist. She came home with an ice pack and a sling but the school medic had said it was just a precaution as he didn’t think she’d done much damage. The next day she seemed okay, it hurt a little bit but there was no bruising her swelling. I put on a bandage and sent her off to school.

 At lunch time the school called and asked us again to pick her up. Hubby took her to the walk-in centre but it was packed and they were there for hours, he had to leave without seeing anyone as he had to pick up the other two from school.
Enter the Mum guilt. If only I could have picked the other kids up, he could have stayed all day waiting with her….only hubby isn’t very good at waiting and neither is Star. The whole experience was way to stressful for them. It was a real dilemma.
The weekend passed and Star seemed to be improving, but then we didn’t go anywhere and she didn’t really do anything strenuous. She didn’t complain much either so we just put it down to a sprain and believed she would get better.
Monday morning she was happy to go to school. Monday lunchtime the school called and said she was still in pain and was it okay to give her painkillers. Then after school they told us she’d been unable to do anything all day as the pain was considerable. Hubby took her to A&E while I stayed home with the younger two. After a couple of hours he called to say that it was packed in there and the waiting time was four hours, so he took her out and went to the walk-in centre again. Once again the walk -in Centre was packed and she was hungry and upset, so they came home, untreated again.
After dinner they went back to the walk in centre and were finally seen, only to be told she needed to go to A&E.
We both felt so guilty, hubby because he’d had all these opportunities to have her treated but not waited long enough, and me because I’m so useless by myself, I can’t walk, can’t drive and can’t go out without help. The perfect solution would have been me taking her to the A&E last Friday and hubby being able to pick up the kids. 
Then Tuesday we had something else to do which involved a long drive but had to get Star to A&E, yet another dilemma. So I got hubby to drop me and Star off at the hospital straight after taking the other two to school. Then I could wait there all day if need be and he was free to do the other thing. I took everything we needed. There is a personal reason why hubby can’t spend all day with Star without me, she needs my help with certain things that daddy just can’t do for her. 
So we arrived first thing and were told it was two hours waiting. Within ten minutes the waiting room was packed and new comers were being told it was four hours waiting! I think our NHS is brilliant but it’s so sad to see it under so much strain. We have been to A&E so many times in the past years but I’ve never seen it so bad. Some of the children looked so, so poorly, yet still had to wait so long to see a Dr. The nurses were doing their best at assessing the children and putting them in order of being seen, but it was still taking forever. I did notice a lot of sick babies being pushed through quicker, but then on the news when I got home I heard that a young child had died only last week at the same hospital because he’d been left so long in the waiting room. 
Star was pretty good, we had lots of things for distraction and I’d bought along drinks and snacks. We still had to put all mum’s money into the vending machines though. Then when the tears arrived and the gentle massage wasn’t easing the pain, I may just have bought some Pokemon figures on Amazon. Then we saw a Dr and she was sent for an x-ray. Then we were told that her wrist had a fracture and she was fitted with a splint. Once seen, the time went really fast. I worked out that we had been seen within an hour and a half and treated within half an hour. I think even hubby would have managed that.
I think we are still feeling so guilty that she has had a fractured wrist since last Thursday and it took us nearly five days to get her sorted. Things would be a lot easier if I could do more, we never used to have this problem. When I think back to all the times we have spent in hospitals with her, and the back and forth and coping with everything else in life, we worked as a team and got it done. Now, it feels like we are no longer a team, although I did come through in the end. Now, if only I’d taken her to hospital last Friday and waited with her while hubby got on with everything else. Unfortunately, last Friday I was not well and just couldn’t manage it.


  1. November 22, 2017 / 12:46 pm

    I once waited 4 days before my son went to hospital and it was only because school rang and said he was struggling to write that I realised he was actually in pain! He kept it so quiet. His arm was broken and he had it strapped up for several weeks. He fell and smashed it in the ice 4 years ago on his.way home from work, so sadly it'll never be right now! It's hard to wait in hospitals and I can appreciate them leaving. Guilt is pointless though – it's what you do next that counts xx

  2. Rebecca Beesley
    November 23, 2017 / 10:57 am

    Oh Anne sorry to hear of the fractured wrist. Guilt won't help anyone although I can totally understand why you feel that way. It's so hard to see what's happening to the nhs- I was first on scene recently finding a really elderly man lying in the road and had to call an ambulance – gone are the days of an ambulance arriving in minutes it took well over half an hour before the ambulance arrived and yet none of the doctors, nurses or paramedics are to blame as they're all doing their best. And you're doing your best under difficult circumstances. I think of all the times we've rushed to A and E and it has turned out to be nothing so it really is hard to tell with kids how serious an injury is. Wishing her a speedy recovery and no more mom guilt for you!!!

  3. lifeandotherstories1
    November 23, 2017 / 10:45 pm

    Believe me there have been times when I know exactly how you feel. I have bad days too, and, esp as the kids have got bigger and heavier I haven't been able to do as much as I did.
    Sometimes you just have to let the guilt go, you can't change anything…… but it is hard.

  4. Candi
    November 24, 2017 / 2:02 pm

    It's because families like ours are stretched so thin that these things happen: so sorry for Star, but she will be fine, and everyone in the family did the best they could. It's the services that should be feeling guilty xx

  5. debsrandomwritings
    November 24, 2017 / 5:24 pm

    Hi Anne, don't be hard on yourself, these things happen and we do the best we can at the time, that's all any of us can do. Star was a star and so was her Mum and Dad! I must say I am shocked at the waiting times. I thought it was bad here, but it sounds no different over there.

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC and hope Stars arm heals extra quickly!


  6. November 24, 2017 / 11:27 pm

    Aww, don't feel bad, other things just happen that you can't control sometimes. And I know a mum who didn't realise her boy had broken fingers for 3 weeks – I'm sure she's not alone either! I know that doesn't make you feel any less guilty, but please concentrate on the fact that Star knows you love her and you do what you can for her, and she loves you for that. Those wait times are shocking 🙁

  7. Ordinary Hopes
    November 27, 2017 / 11:28 pm

    You did what you could at the time. Sometimes that is all we can do.x

  8. November 29, 2017 / 10:46 pm

    Please don't feel guilty, you weren't to know it was fractured and circumstances dictated what you could and couldn't do. It's not like you intentionally stopped her from being seen, in fact it sounds like you and your husband went out of your way to try and get her seen. #BlogCrush

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