This is my monthly post which I link up with Sheryl’s Chronic Illness link Up Party. This month I’m talking about Waiting, Parting, Perservering, Affirming and Love. This is also doubling up as my first Blogtober 2019 post.
Last month was not a good month. I’m still waiting for test results, but this is the second lot and the first came back clear. If these are clear then once again my symptoms will be put down to Stiff Person Syndrome. When you have a chronic illness, everything that goes wrong seems to be blamed on your current illness.
I’m also waiting for my daughter’s genetic and chromosome test results. I know these take a long time, but when the time I was given arrives I always get anxious. I’m praying so hard they don’t find something serious. Coping with her illness was hard enough when I was well, I can’t bear the thought that she may have worse to come.
In August a friend I’ve known for about 15 years passed away after a long battle of cancer. She was buried last week. It was a sad parting. I still can’t believe she’s gone. I’m not afraid of death, but grief is so hard to deal with. I hate to think of the suffering of my friends family, especially her husband who is not well himself, and her two children. It’s so sad.
This month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I’ll be posting about it on my Social media accounts. This affects so many people, more needs to be done to help. Ironically, yesterday I had my first ever mammogram.
Oh my, this has been a tough month health wise. I’ve suffered so much. Some days I feel I can’t go on like this but it’s my family that keeps me going. There is no way I would leave them intentionally so I have to keep perservering with trying to make life better for me and for them. Some days it’s so, so difficult to carry on. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to carry on with my life and do all the things that need doing, but sometimes even the simplest tasks take so much out of me.
What choice do I have? Sometimes it seems hopeless, I keep suffering and I know my family suffer by watching. But I will keep perservering in trying things that will make things better for us all.
“Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.”― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive
I truly believe that the brain is stronger than the body. Mind over matter. Sometimes it’s all I have. So I continue with the self help, keeping my affirmations, telling myself that I can get better and believing it. I take time to live in the moment. I love reminiscing about the past, but it won’t make it come back. Making plans for the future is fun, but you can’t live something that hasn’t happened yet. So, the only thing you can do is live for today. Get through one day at a time, good or bad and look for the things that make me happy.
I love my Little Man and Boo coming home from school and coming to give me a hug. Star is not the hugging type, she’s like huggin an ironing board! I was feeling unwell the other day and she gave me a very rare hug, it meant everything to me. The hugs off my children keep me going, even my big kids hug me. (As a side note, I barely remember hugging my Mum, apart from when she was in hospital, and after she had died. I guess I was an ironing board too, but my kids have taught me otherwise.)
Back to Affirmations, I’ve been reading a lot of Matt Haig lately and he seems to speak to me. I love this quote.
“Make sure, as often as possible, you are doing something you’d be happy to die doing.”― Matt Haig, The Humans
As I said, I’ve had a bad month health wise, so reading has been my friend. I’ve loved reading Matt Haig, but I’m also halfway through a very sweet classic book, I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. I think I may stear away from some of my usual murder mystery type novels and maybe add a little romance to my reading. After all, they say, all you need is love.
“No one will understand you. It is not, ultimately, that important. What is important is that you understand you.”― Matt Haig, The Humans
I’ve never really classed myself as a romantic. I’ve always found the conception of love quite difficult. I mean with family it’s unconditional and that love I find comes naturally. But loving others I find difficult. I think my life needs a little more love.
When my friend passed recently, it was obvious how much she was loved. Am I loved like that? I thought that the way to find love was to please people all the time, or shower them with kindness or help. But, some people just don’t respond in the way you would expect. Love is a strange old thing, and I don’t just mean romance.
“Maybe love is just about finding the person you can be your weird self with.”― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive
Thank you for reading my round up this week, by clicking the picture below you can visit Sheryl’s link up and see how other’s have interpreted these prompts.
Read last months writing prompts here, The meaning of Life, the Universe and Chronic Illness.
- Blotgober Day 1 – All You Need is Love
- Blogtober Day 2 – Coppafeel- Breast Cancer Awareness
- Blogtober Day 3 – Out of Spoons (a poem)
See Other bloggers Blogtober posts.