I’m a laid back kind of person. I don’t let things play on my mind or get me down. Something bad happens, I deal with it then I get over it. I don’t keep going back to it, raking it up, as they say.
I let it go.
I try not to let people make me angry, I bite my tongue a lot. I let a lot of things wash over me without soaking them up.
I let it go.
I don’t let bad things that happened in the past haunt me. I don’t bare grudges, I forgive and forget. If I do something to upset someone else I will apologise, no excuses unless there is a completely genuine one, just a sincere apology and I hope in my heart they can forgive me.
Then I let it go.
So why do I let go of the hurt?
Holding on to the past and the things that hurt serves us no purpose. Going over and over it in my mind only hurts me more. Blaming others doesn’t help, especially if they do not accept they are to blame. If I hold on to all the hurt and pain then it will consume me and I will not be able to fill my life and my heart with happiness and carry on living.
Letting go is a choice I have made myself and committed to it. When those thoughts of hurt and pain start to appear I banish them quickly. I realise that forgetting is the hardest part, it so difficult to forget, and honestly, who wants to forget anyway? But when I start to remember I can put those memories back where they belong, in the past. It happened, I got over it, I let it go.
I watched my own Mother become consumed by the past, as she approached the end of her life she became bitter and sad and trusted no-one. I hated that she became that way and resolved never to be the same. Yes, my Mother had a hard life and had suffered so much, then her later years she was so ill but determined to carry on. There was some strength in the way she fought to live and fought for what she truly believed in. But not enough for her to leave the past where it belonged. She left me a letter to read for after she had passed away and it was the saddest thing I ever read. So I vowed I would never become my Mother. The past wasn’t going to catch me up.
How do I let it go?
I accept responsibility for the things that have happened to me. No matter how much I feel that someone else was to blame I know that I am in control of my life so I had some part to play. Something happened, I got hurt, the blame game doesn’t really matter, because if it did then I’d be holding on to the pain and hurt for much longer than necessary. Blaming someone else means holding them responsible for your life and letting them take over, they don’t have that power if I won’t let them.
I understand that my feeling matter so I express my hurt in a way that I find comfortable. If another person has made me unhappy then I will tell them. If I can’t then I’ll write it down or tell someone else. I have to express my emotions in any way that I can, but I don’t let them take over forever. I get it out of my system in a way that helps me understand why I feel the way I do.
Focusing on the here and now is vital. I have to live in the present and not let the past fill my mind and soul. I started to realise this when I got sick. At first I wanted to live in the future because I believed that I would get well again. But since realising that is not the case then the future doesn’t look so good now. So, no point in waiting for things to get better and no hope of ever making the past different. The only other option is to live for today.
It’s Not Easy
It really isn’t easy letting things go. Not just the hurt that people have caused you but the things that have gone wrong. The people who have left life way too soon, the illnesses, the disabilities, the way life has treated you. Sometimes I look back and think why have all these bad things happened to me, what did I do to deserve it all? But, that sort of thinking gets me nowhere and just makes me feel unhappy.
Sometimes it’s okay to feel bad. I’ve just had a real bad weekend when I let my feelings consume me. I was hurting and I lashed out. I even did the unthinkable and posted a sweary vague post on Facebook which earned me loads of sympathy from friends who had no idea what I was going through. I was embarrassed but I didn’t delete it because people cared, they took the time to post a little something in the hope they could make me feel better. This is not something I am used to and I felt uncomfortable, but sometimes it’s good to rant and let it out.
Then I let it go.
Grief is the Hardest Pain.
When my Mother passed away I felt so much pain. People gave their sympathy and told me that time would heal my pain. I was outraged, the pain was all I had left, I had to hold on to the pain, it would have felt almost sacrilegious to let that pain go. The pain of grief is a difficult one, you need to express it, you need to hold on to it, you need to feel it, let it consume you. But then it will fade into a memory of pain, then a memory of the person you lost and eventually, instead of welling up when you think of them you will smile instead. There is nothing wrong with this. You haven’t let your pain go this time you’ve just allowed it to grow into something else.
Grief stays with you a long time, and even when you have passed the stage of thinking of them all the time, there will still be times when grief consumes you again and takes over your emotions.
I always embrace grief, I think of my loss, and I let it fill me with sadness. I feel it, I accept it, I understand it’s how I need to be. It doesn’t last long but it’s always there.
Let It Go!
Pain is not justified, no matter how much we feel it is. The hurt can go away if you let it. I made the decision that I wouldn’t let pain and hurt take over my life. It wasn’t easy, it will never be easy, but it’s the best choice I ever made. I’m not going to die bitter and sad because the past is the past and today is today, and this could turn out to be the best day of my life. Even if it doesn’t, it’s still another day I’ve lived and for that I am thankful.
I’m reviving this post for Blogtober 2020 Today’s prompt is ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ and I think Letting it go is a good fit.
I wasn’t actually singing 😀
I think when life throws a ton of shit at you, you realise that this is what there is. As Maya Angelou said “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”. Sometimes we aren’t strong enough and we have to wobble, but then we are back, ready to fight another day xx
You have amazing strength Anne xxx
Hi Anne, I love this post. Letting it go isn’t always easy, but it is well worth doing. Like you I deal with things then let them go, I don’t want my life ruled by negative feelings. I find having a good mini rant often helps me get over it and tomorrow is a new day, with room for new thoughts and feelings, so why dwell on the negative past? My lot look at me like I’m bonkers when I tell them they have choices, even when they think they don’t and it is possible to choose to be happy/positive even when life is getting us down…. Your attitude shines through in your posts too!
Makes perfect sense. You always have been & always will be amazing. Your strength gives me strength. I have learnt a lot from you. I have laughed a lot with you too & those memories make me smile ?
There is so much wisdom in this post. I know that I feel things very deeply and that I find it difficult when people hurt me. But, like you, I have learnt that feeling hurt does me no good, whatever the cause – letting it go is the path to healing. My grandma lost her husband in difficult circumstances when she was a young woman. She was 90 when she died and she never remarried. But at her funeral, one thing really struck me – everyone spoke of how she never complained. I thought back over the years I had known her (she even lived with us for a while so I definitely knew her really well) and yes, they were right – she never complained. She loved to talk about him and tell me stories, but it was always done with love in her heart and never bitterness. She is my inspiration now, whenever I am tempted to feel sorry for myself or to get angry about the cards I am dealt.
Sorry for the long comment…! #blogcrush
This is a thought provoking post. I find it so difficult to forget what wrongs have occurred in the past and end up replaying them in my head which hurts again. #BlogCrush
Letting go is hard but necessary to not end up bitter. Beautiful post! #MMBC
What a great post we all need to learn to let it go. It took me a very long time to realise this. That not letting go was only affecting me and no one else.
Letting things go is for the best. It might be hard sometimes but it the long run it is better for your mental health. x
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Wise words and I totally agree. It’s not always easy but you have to move on for your own sanity.
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This is such a thought provoking and insightful post. I love how you own up to your own partaking in the negative things that happened to you and tell us how you let it go. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, this is such an insightful post! I wish I could let go of the past and though generally I can, the thought patterns ingrained in me in the past are very pervasive.
As for grief, I so far have only lost people who were already old and in most cases very poorly. This allowed me to more gradually say goodbye to them. An exception was my maternal grandpa, who died more or less suddenly (he was instantly comatose from a brain bleed) when I was eight. That being said, when people’s health deteriorate, it is harder to savor the good memories, at least for me. For instance, my paternal grandma died at the age of 94 in 2018 but had already been suffering significant cognitive decline, so that the grandma I’d grown up with and who was a witness at my weddign in 2011, had already sort of disappeared. I do still savor the good memories, but this was one reason I didn’t see this grandma for the last year of her life. That’s sad in a way.
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This is a good philosophy to live by
I found letting go to be one of the hardest things, but it is more than needed.
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Letting go is the best thing to do. I have learned through the years to ditch negativity. Life is much more pleasant without it. Lovely post. x