Every month I try to join in with Sheryl from A Chronic Voice and her writing prompts. This month her prompts are Pushing, Stretching, Disciplining, Preserving and Thanking. It almost sounds like a good physical, and mental workout and it’s been a while since I had one of them! However, I’m focusing on being thankful for the things I do have and here is my take on the prompts from a chronic illness point of view.
Have you ever felt close to the edge, like life keeps throwing all it’s stinky rubbish at you and you keep pushing it away, but it it pushes you further and further until there is nowhere to go but down? That’s a bit depressing isn’t it. I often feel this way, sometimes nothing goes right and no matter how hard I try I just can’t climb that pile of rubbish and escape.
I have a lot to deal with this year, with my teen finishing school and so many things to put in place. I have hospital appointments galore, for myself and my children. I have financial issues to sort out, my daughter switches from Disability Living Allowance to Personal Independence Payments this year and for anyone in the UK that has ever had to claim one of these benefits will know just how hard it all is, it’s physically and mentally draining.
Things at home have been stressful and I think we are all fed up of being around each other. Fingers crossed life will get back to normal soon…but that doesn’t make much difference to us, we never go anywhere or see anyone else anyway. My husband Graham will be happy to see his family again and maybe even have a night out with his friends, that will hopefully ease some pressure and reduce that rubbish pile.
The pain has been awful lately. I just wish I could get comfortable anywhere for even a minute. Everything hurts and sometimes it’s just too much to even move, but if I don’t move it hurts even more, I have to stretch frequently, but carefully. There is nothing that makes me feel better apart from the pills that knock me out. I don’t want to be sleeping all the time, I want to do housework, cooking, gardening, even go for a walk. I miss going for a walk. I sit here sometimes and think how I would just pop over to the local shops to pick up a few things and talk to the shop owners. I knew them all, the ladies in the Post Office were particularly chatty. I don’t even know what the local shops look like anymore. I gave up when I found my wheelchair couldn’t get around most of the smaller shops without knocking over all the displays. And if there was a car parked across a drop kerb I’d end up having to go right up the road and cross over somewhere else to come all the way back down again. I never had the confidence to go alone, just in case I got stuck.
I’m stretching this out now, yes, I need to moan sometimes but don’t worry I’m not going to be all doom and gloom.
I have three young children who are always in need of disciplining. They are by no means naughty children, but their grasp on doing what they are told, when they are told is not very good. If I tell them to do something, the reply is always the same ‘in a minute.’ But lately, the girls have been naughty by sneaking onto their tablets way after bedtime. This is causing them to be tired and moany the next day when they have school. I’ve had to take away their tablets from the bedroom now to stop them.
At the moment I’m trying to install some discipline in my teenager who is about to start her exams. She has no concept of revision and thinks five minutes browsing through a book is good enough. I find it so hard to understand as I’m a big believer in education and have always had loads of self discipline when it comes to learning new things.
This is a harder one, sometimes it’s all I can do to preserve my sanity. I think Persevering would have been a better prompt.
I do preserve my energy to get through each day. I find that pacing myself helps a lot. I do something then sit down, then a little more and rest again. I’d love to get it all done in one but for me it’s the only way. If I do too much at once then I can pay for it for the rest of the day.
Now to turn things around and add some positivity to this post.
Being thankful every day can lift you up so much. My lovely blogger friend Louise at Little Hearts Big Love finds something to be grateful for each day. I guess it’s similar to being thankful.
I am thankful for our health system, the NHS. It’s by no means perfect but I have relied on them for treatment for five years now. I also need to thank them for saving my daughters life seven years ago, and for looking after the Little Man while his arm is broken.
I also thank my husband for sticking by me. He could have walked away many times with all the stuff we’ve been through but he stays and tries to do his best for us all. I really don’t know what I’d do without him.
I’m thankful to my children’s schools who have gone above and beyond to accommodate my children and their ‘differences’ and ‘difficulties.’ Star is getting amazing help with her GCSEs, Boo is getting real counselling for her issues and the Little Man is getting so much help while he is nursing his poorly arm. When I think of all the problems that some people have with school I feel really lucky.
Finally I would like to thank all of my readers of my blog, I truly appreciate every single visit, comment and share. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be still blogging after all these years. You lot make me truly thankful.