Siblings

To say Star gets obsessed with things would be an understatement. It started many years ago with Peppa Pig, we could recite the script for the program word for word and the songs would be song at bedtime, in the morning and while washing up (and that’s just me!) Then she grew up overnight and at the age of six became obsessed with High School Musical. The movies were watched over and over and she showed me that autistic kids can show empathy while she sat there crying as Gabrielle made her emotional return in HSM1. I’m not complaining, the music was marginally better than ‘Big Balloon, Big Balloon, Bigger than the Sun and Moon’ and Zak Efron was pretty easy on the eye. Since then the obsessions have increased and changed.
When she gets obsessed it’s like her whole life revolves around it, it’s all she thinks about and talks about, all her games revolve around it. I’m assuming it doesn’t take over her school work, but you never know. Maybe they’ve worked out how to do Pokemon Mathletics?
Her current obsession is Yo Kai Watch. This is a tv show and a DS Game. I had to buy her the game while we were on holiday as she was bored, bored, bored without it. She watches You Tube videos about it, sings songs about it (that she’s heard on You Tube) and no matter what you try to talk to her about you can guarantee she’ll find away to include Yo Kai’s in the conversations.

Boo is not so obsessed. She gets upset with her sister’s obsessions because it affects everything they want to do together. We have periods of screen free time that are an absolute rule in our house and that’s when the trouble begins.
 ‘Let’s play outside’ Boo will say.
 ‘No, let’s play a Yokai Game, or draw some Yokai, or repeatedly talk about all the million things that Yokai do’ will be Star’s reply.
Then Boo will get upset and angry.
 ‘All you ever want to do is play Yokai, I don’t like Yokai.’
At which point Star will run off upstairs crying, ‘you hate me!’

After this happened the other day Boo turned to me and said, ‘sometimes I just can’t cope with her.’
I asked her gently, ‘you know she can’t help it don’t you?’
‘yes’ she replied, ‘it’s because she’s Autism.’ (This is not a typo.)

Shortly afterwards I was getting a very uncharacteristic hug off Star as she wept, ‘why do have to be like this, I hate myself.’

My heart broke. But this is something I’m used to. Autism is something we are all used to in this house. I told her gently that being autistic does not mean that she can’t be loved and that we all loved her very much, even Boo. Everyone argues, everyone is different, being different just means that other people may not understand your behaviour, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

Peace was restored once again. (For five minutes.)

How about the Little Man? He got frustrated while trying to play with the girls in the garden and came stomping inside.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.
‘They’re playing Yokai again, I don’t like Yokai, I just don’t get it!’
Then he stomped over the computer and back onto Roblox.

He rarely plays with both his sisters when they are playing together. Yet he will play with Boo if it’s just the two of them. I think this is because Star appears to refuse to believe that the Little Man exists. This has been the same since he was born. Star was just going into year 1 at school and her baby brother was a few weeks old. Her teacher talked to her about the new baby and asked, ‘did you get a sister or a brother?’
‘I don’t know’ was Star’s reply.
Her teacher tried again, ‘What’s your baby brother’s name?’
again the reply ‘I don’t know.’

A lot of the time she just pretends he is not there. He doesn’t seem too bothered though. She’s five years older than him, she’s too old to understand him. Boo on the other hand loves to play with his toys with him.

As the years have passed I’ve seen the once close relationship between Boo and Star start to drift apart. Boo, doesn’t have the same interests, and Star doesn’t play fairly in as much as she gets lost in the game herself and no-one else really matters as long as they are doing what she tells them to do. Boo gets fed up of this.

Boo has always loved her little brother, but I can see that relationship beginning to change too as Boo matures.

Whatever happens, I do hope they will all look out for each other in the future.

I don’t talk about my older two much but despite them being of different gender and one of them being autistic they are fiercely protected of each other. That doesn’t mean they don’t argue with each other, but when one of them is in trouble, the other one is always there to help.  

I guess that’s the best you can hope for?

Sons, Sand & Sauvignon

20 Comments

  1. rebeccabeesley
    June 15, 2016 / 9:45 am

    it's a really complex thing isn't it. I remember D saying 'Why does J have to have burgers in his brain?' when he was younger as he'd heard us talking of J having aspergers. J too has had obsessions since young – i remember him really thinking he was peter rabbit and insisting on calling D 'cottontail'. Then of course Moshi was a HUGE obsession for him – for those not familiar with it, it was like he was talking a different language as he memorised all the seed combinations to get the various moshlings. Now it is gaming – whether its tomodachi life, yokai, or whatever he is currently playing – it becomes all he talks about to the point that we all switch off from listening. Like you say all we can hope for is that they'll look out for each other as they grow up. i really love that top photo of them. x

  2. June 15, 2016 / 11:48 am

    ah bless, 'burgers in his brain' I actually like that, it really fits my Aspie who would have burgers every day if we let him. xx I love the top photo too, I've had it made into a canvas for my wall. x

  3. dragonriko
    June 15, 2016 / 12:35 pm

    Lovely photos. I can relate to the obsessions, Polar Bear has always had them but since I do too it didn't seem unusual to me. Now Monkey is going down the same path with Thomas the Tank Engine (we're all practically experts on the subject haha). Luckily the two older boys will play with each other, although there are lots of arguments because Monkey won't share and Polar Bear wants to be in charge, Ton just sits and laughs at it all 😀 I hope in the future your kids can find something they all like together xx

  4. June 15, 2016 / 2:49 pm

    Lovely photos. My kids are 6 and 4 and my oldest is just going into primary 3 so likes to argue with his sister who is going into pre-school year at nursery. She is a right little madam though and refuses to share

  5. coombemill
    June 15, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    I think it is wonderful that your older two look out for each other, mine all do too even if they fight at home. The ranges in our house sound much the same and that's without autism in the mix, Iike you I hope as they grow they will become good friends and still choose to see one another.

  6. June 15, 2016 / 7:00 pm

    I read a lot of posts about autism and I just wish there was so much more known on the subject, I know each child is different and of the two I know, one hates anything that is yellow and he literally freaks out and the other is ore OCD and everything has to be straight and neat but unless you knew them and their circumstances, it would be hard pressed to know if there was an issue x

  7. June 15, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    This is such an honest, moving post. And yes, I think if your kids are there to help each other, that is such a positive – all families have their issues.

  8. JuggleMum, Nadine Hill
    June 16, 2016 / 8:46 am

    They will all change and develop into different people as they grow and even if they may seem distant, you can't argue with the fact that you are family. Hopefully you may see them grow back together and find a shared interest in the future.

  9. June 16, 2016 / 9:11 am

    I think siblings go through stages of not getting on so well, even many years, but in my experience it all came good in the end. Hopefully, it will with your children too.

  10. TheMadHouse
    June 16, 2016 / 8:56 pm

    It is really hard to deal with this. It is something that we are trying to deal with as Mini prob is on the spectrum. Maxi is so sick of Harry Potter. Mini can recite the movies and the books word for word, all five of the books! I hope as they get older they understand each other a little more and become more tolerant of difference.

  11. June 16, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    Sibling relationships are fascinating! My two are best friends one minute and literally pulling each others hair out the next, it's impossible to understand!

  12. June 17, 2016 / 8:38 am

    I have six children and although none have autism they do go through phases of avoiding or disliking each other – it's only natural

  13. June 17, 2016 / 1:41 pm

    Really lovely photos! Mine are always fighting, I wonder somedays if they'll ever get on again!

  14. June 18, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    It must be so hard to deal with sometimes – I find it hard enough with my two x

  15. gymbunnymummy
    June 20, 2016 / 10:05 am

    It must be so hard for all of you.We have an 11 year age gap between our boys so we don't have the usual sibling arguments but throwing Autism into the mix makes it all so much harder #SpectrumSunday

  16. June 21, 2016 / 3:37 pm

    It was good to read a sibling post – I have four children and there's only 5 years between the eldest and the youngest (who are twins). There has always been a lot of arguing but also a lot of times where at least some of them are getting on well. A lot of the arguments start and then escalate when my son with autism tries to make and enforce rules – it's getting a lot easier now that they are getting olde but it's been exhausting at times! #SpectrumSunday

  17. Lady Nym
    June 23, 2016 / 11:47 am

    It's really interesting to look at different sibling dynamics, especially when you throw something like autism into the mix. There's three years between my brother and I and then a big age gap between us and my sisters. Only one of my sisters has an actual ASD diagnosis but I suspect all four of us are on the spectrum, really. We all have very different relationships but I like to think we'd always be there for each other if needed.

    My two flit between being thick as thieves and best of friends to screaming at each other and seeming to resent the other's mere existence! I think their autism brings them closer together (the age gap is small enough they will probably share some obsessions) but also makes it harder (sometimes their sensory needs clash spectacularly and one having a meltdown can trigger the other).

    Lovely post.

    #SpectrumSunday

  18. July 5, 2016 / 8:50 pm

    Aww fab pics. We have Roblox fans here too, and similar sibling issues (as in, one trying to control the other, a lot!). Not heard of Yo Kai – do I want to go and check that one out?! 😀

  19. July 9, 2016 / 11:07 pm

    I love watching the relationships change between my boys. Sometimes Hayden is all about his brothers and other times he doesn't even realise they are present. Thank you so much for linking up to #spectrumsunday, we are back at 5pm Sunday, I hope you join me again lovely xx

  20. Mummy Endeavours
    July 10, 2016 / 10:47 pm

    Aww it's strange when siblings are awkward with each other sometimes. My Teen (17) can be quite nasty to my daughter (11) for no apparent reason and it upsets me. Whereas my twins and daughter get along so well. It's just dynamics I guess. My twins love Roblox x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *