After Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is always bitter sweet for me. My Mum is no longer here and even though it’s been more than nine year now it still hurts, especially on special days, like birthdays, Christmas  and of course Mother’s Day.

Then there is the fact that I am a Mother myself. I don’t always get treats from my kids and there have been years when I’ve looked on with envy as I see other Mother’s posting photos of the wonderful gifts they have received off their children or their children’s Dad. I often had to be happy with the home made cards brought home from school. Lately, I’ve been one of the Mum’s with gifts as my eldest children have become older and my Husband a little more thoughtful. But, in all honesty it’s not really about the gifts is it?

Just being appreciated for all you do for your children is what most Mum’s long for. A kind word, a thank you, a caring gesture. Mum’s need loving too, you know.

I often wonder if I’m good enough. I’ve made mistakes along the way, you don’t really notice until your child is grown up. It’s hard not to look back and think I wish I’d done this differently, or maybe I should have been more strict, more lenient, more fun, more attentive… always think you could have been, just more!

I worry about my children all the time and if I’m a good enough mum.

When my Mum passed away she left all her children a letter, it was the same one for us all. She’d written a poem and it was the saddest thing I ever read. Her life had never really been easy and had left her feeling quite bitter and sad. She’d let everything consume her and couldn’t see the happiness she’d had in life. She must have been happy sometimes. I can’t remember her always being bitter and sad, in fact, quite the opposite. She was always singing, laughing and joking around and I remember her being the life and soul of many a family party. There were lots of happy times, it was just sad that she’d chosen to focus on the bad instead.

I made a vow right then that no matter how bad things got I would never be bitter and sad no matter what life threw at me. I will always focus on the good times and remember how happy I was. I will always look forward to the good times to come because no matter what they always will.

When you are a mother, your child is your first concern, but you have to take care of yourself too. You have to be happy and create happiness no matter how tough life gets. And never, ever, blame your children for your unhappiness.

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