I was in the kitchen the other day with the radio on in the back ground when Chumbawamba came on with ‘Tubthumping’ (also known as ‘I Get Knocked Down.’) I was suddenly transported to a holiday at Butlins and the kids were having a whale of time as it was the featured dance of the week and if you joined in you got a prize (usually a sweet.) Then it dawned on me…it wasn’t my little kids, it was my adult kids! Wow, how time flies. Tubthumping was released in 1997, twenty years ago! I think my holiday was in 1998 though, it was memorable as it was my first ‘single parent’ holiday. And I was still young and attractive enough to get chatted up by the redcoats, hahaha!
First thought…isn’t it funny how hearing a tune can transport you to a certain place in your timeline, a certain memory, a certain emotion.
Sometimes I think I’m lucky to have a second go at motherhood, sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking!
First time around wasn’t easy, especially after their Dad left. But I always loved being a Mum, it has always been the most important thing in my life. Yes I worked, and at one point I had three jobs just to keep us going, but my kids always came first.
When the kids were young teenagers I met my current husband. We had a lovely little family and enjoyed life to the full. But, I always longed for another baby and my Husband wanted a child of his own.
So we started trying for a baby. It didn’t happen straight away and because of my age (late 30s) we were given all the fertility tests quite early on. We were okay and should have been able to conceive, so I was told that I probably had secondary infertility.
Then after two years it happened and I had my third baby at the age of 39 (almost 40.) By this time my older children where 16 and 17 years old.
When my baby arrived it seemed like I was a first time mum. Not only had it been so long since I’d had a baby, so much had changed, from nappies to buggies, to being able to take your pushchair on the bus. It was all a different experience.
The next baby came along pretty quickly now that my fertility had been given a kick start. So at the age of 41 I had two teenagers and two baby girls. My family was complete and I was so happy.
Then a few years later The Little Man arrived, I didn’t think I was pregnant, I thought I was going the menopause. I was so shocked when I did the test to rule pregnancy out. Having a baby at 44 puts you on the ‘at risk’ folder at the maternity hospital and you get so much extra care.
So here I am now, in my 50s (ooh that feels scary!) with three young school children. We were talking the other day about age and when Star is my age I will be 91, when the Little Man is my age I will be 98. I lost my Mum when I was 42, so I expect I won’t be around that long for the Little Ones. I should be around to see them grow up into adults though, especially if my new treatment works.
It does feel strange because most people I know that are my age, my long time friends, are now grandparents and are living the golden years. I see them post photos on Facebook of their grand kids while I’m posting photos of my own kids. Sometimes I feel jealous of them, they can have fun with their grand kids and then pass them back to their parents. I don’t get a break from mine.
Really, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel really blessed to have all my kids, and blessed to have done the motherhood thing twice over. I’m so lucky.
And thankfully, when I was trying to conceive Star I joined some forums where there were other women my age trying to conceive too. I’ve stayed in touch, mostly on Facebook, with most of these women. So, they balance out my long time friends by posting photos of their kids which are almost the same age as mine. I even have a friend who, like me, had a surprise baby rather late on.
What do you think? Am I crazy? Would you have a baby in your later years? Would you do it all twice? I’d love to know.