I wrote a blog post and my daughter, Boo, leaned over my shoulder and I was horrified. I told her to go away and not to read what I was writing over my shoulder, I said she was rude.
I made her cry.
I comforted her and then read back what I’d written. I’d poured out my deepest feelings and they were horrible. No wonder I didn’t want her to see.
Have you ever sat at a keyboard and just written everything down, all your feelings, all that’s wrong with life?
It’s not a bad thing to do, it does help to get those feelings out. But sometimes it’s just not right to share them and my reaction to Boo made me realise that. So I apologised to Boo, gave her a big hug and all was right with her. If only life was that easy to fix!
Then I decided to take a positive turn and starting looking up miracles. Oh yes, that’s what I need. forget winning the lottery, I need a miracle. I need to get well so I can fix everything else. Sometimes I think that I got sick because I spent so long trying to fix things, sometimes I think I burnt myself out. Stress and stress and more stress trying to be here and there and solving everyone’s problems, carrying everyone’s burdens. Then to see a family member drop down in front of me and never get up again. Maybe that was just too much. Maybe that pushed me over the edge and my body decided to start attacking itself?
But, if I had a miracle, a cure for myself, then that would prove that I could do anything wouldn’t it? All with the hindsight that looking after myself is most important.
So, as I said, I started looking up miracles and I came across Jordan Bach. A little research made me think he was slightly bonkers, you know, the sort of person that oozes so much positivity that they must be a complete depressive zombie in their own world. (oh, hang on, no, that’s me.) No, Jordan Bach does have some great resources if you are feeling down.
Here is what Jordan Bach says about Miracles.
There are 2 important steps to manifest what you want:
1) Create a channel through which the miracle can flow. You can’t have the miracle just by wishing for it. You have to stretch yourself: send out the resumé, make the phone calls, and put up the website.
2) Prepare to receive that which you want. Align your energy with abundance, not lack. Affirm, “This or something better is on its way to me.” The perfect mental vibration to hold is gratitude for what you already have and excitement for what is to come.
So, my miracle is a little more than something I can just wish for or plan for, I definitely can’t stretch myself (ok, that’s a personal joke, I have stiff person syndrome, my muscles are stiff and stretching is something I cannot physically do!) I can prepare myself though. Instead of thinking this treatment didn’t work last time and it’s not going to work again, I can think, this treatment didn’t work last time but that doesn’t mean it wont work this time. Just a tiny little difference in the way of thinking can create the channel for a better outcome.
I know this. I have a degree in psychology. I know how positive thinking is real and can have very real affects. Start the day on a positive note and you are more able to deal with whatever the day throws at you. I have practised this for so long.
I have young children, what could be a more stressful start to the day when you have to get them up and ready for school on time. Even when completely planned, clothes ready, bags ready, even breakfast bowls set up, you can’t account for the odd tantrum or refusal to get dressed.
If you react with anger then the kids will go to school miserable and you will feel guilty.
If you react calmly and positively, count every blessing (she put her socks on all by herself today) and get on with the stressful times (cuddle the tantrum thrower and tell them everything will be okay) then everyone’s day will be more positive and happy.
It’s simple, yet sometimes so difficult.
Today, I am pushing my problems to the back of my mind. I am going to the hospital feeling positive. I’m going to receive my infusion with gratitude. I know it costs the NHS around £450 per infusion and I will be having five of them, that’s just the cost of the infusion, never mind how much it costs the hospital to treat me. It’s mind blowing and I’m so utterly grateful for the NHS.
Each day I will expect my miracle and at the end I won’t get depressed like before. If my miracle doesn’t arrive then I will look for it elsewhere. It has to come eventually.