|photo credit Annie Spratt – Unsplash|
Today I’m off to the hospital for my third round of IVIG (Intravenous Immunoglobulin.) The first time I had big hopes that it would be my miracle cure. The disappointment after nearly broke me. The second time I had less hope but thought it was worth it to keep trying, I’d had a lot of people telling me that it gets better each time you had it. I had a little relief from some of my symptoms, the tingling was reduced, I had a little more energy and my twitching was decreased. However, the side effects were huge giving me massive migraines worse than any I’ve had in my thirty year experience of migraines. This week I am prepared, I’m going to keep hydrated, at least three litres of water a day. I will take pain killers at regular intervals, and I’m going to ask for slower infusions which can help. I am hoping that the results will be better than last time and that the side effects will just leave me alone.
I’m going to be honest. Life isn’t good at the moment. I have so many issues going on and I feel useless, helpless, I just can’t cope. How can I be there for others when some days I can barely hold my head up. I can’t deal with it all, it’s driving me down into the darkness. And if life’s problems are not enough, my health is truly depressing me. I’m scared, really scared, I’m not improving, I’m getting worse. Some days I really believe that I am dying.
I need someone to rescue me, to save me, to make everything okay again.
Maybe that someone is me, maybe I’m the only one that can do this. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
|photo credit David Ragusa – Unsplash|