Let Me Not Beg for the Stilling of my Pain

It is during our darkest moments that we should focus to see the light - aristotle
photo credit Annie Spratt – Unsplash

Today I’m off to the hospital for my third round of IVIG (Intravenous Immunoglobulin.) The first time I had big hopes that it would be my miracle cure. The disappointment after nearly broke me. The second time I had less hope but thought it was worth it to keep trying, I’d had a lot of people telling me that it gets better each time you had it. I had a little relief from some of my symptoms, the tingling was reduced, I had a little more energy and my twitching was decreased. However, the side effects were huge giving me massive migraines worse than any I’ve had in my thirty year experience of migraines. This week I am prepared, I’m going to keep hydrated, at least three litres of water a day. I will take pain killers at regular intervals, and I’m going to ask for  slower infusions which can help. I am hoping that the results will be better than last time and that the side effects will just leave me alone.

I’m going to be honest. Life isn’t good at the moment. I have so many issues going on and I feel useless, helpless, I just can’t cope. How can I be there for others when some days I can barely hold my head up. I can’t deal with it all, it’s driving me down into the darkness. And if life’s problems are not enough, my health is truly depressing me. I’m scared, really scared, I’m not improving, I’m getting worse. Some days I really believe that I am dying.

I need someone to rescue me, to save me, to make everything okay again.
Maybe that someone is me, maybe I’m the only one that can do this. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not beg for the still of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it
photo credit David Ragusa – Unsplash

School Runs and Shopping Trolleys
Debs Random Writings
Naptime Natter


  1. comfortspring
    January 8, 2018 / 10:55 am

    You touched my heart and I'm sending you a warm hand to hold. Sounds horrible and I pray this 3rd treatment makes a positive change. It is hard to keep up our spirits sometimes, I know. Saying a prayer for you my dear. #MMBC

  2. Candi
    January 8, 2018 / 12:51 pm

    Thinking of you xx

  3. January 8, 2018 / 12:57 pm

    You do so incredibly well – I don't think anyone can question how positive you've been. Don't give up Anne, you can do it. I will have everything crossed that this treatment gives you respite and that you are better able to deal with what you've been so unfairly dealt xx

  4. January 8, 2018 / 1:10 pm

    Aww! Anne! I am so sorry you are not feeling great. Sending big hugs.
    I really hope the treatment helps and you don't have any side effects.

  5. January 8, 2018 / 1:45 pm

    Oh Anne I'm sending you so much love and strength. Sometimes we need to find ways to save ourselves instead of relying on others, but it's so HARD. I can't imagine how you must be feeling lovely. All my love and hoping that being prepared helps this round. xx

  6. Louise
    January 8, 2018 / 8:21 pm

    Anne I hope this time works and you get some relief. Life’s a roller coaster sometimes your up others your at the bottom. You’ll go up again just hang in there 😘

  7. January 8, 2018 / 9:03 pm

    Thank you, I try not to dwell on how unfair life has been to me, I don't want to end up a bitter old lady 😉 xx

  8. The Daisy Pages
    January 9, 2018 / 4:08 pm

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a horrible time at the moment. I hope that your next round of treatment is less severe and has fewer side effects. Are there any support groups you could get in touch with? I hope you can find some support to help you get through this xx

  9. debsrandomwritings
    January 11, 2018 / 6:01 pm

    Oh Anne, I feel for you. I won't pretend I know what you are going through as I really don't, but just the thought of you not being able to be there as you would like to be for the ones you love is heartbreaking. My hope is that there is light at the end of the tunnel for you and that this round of treatment is better than the last two. It must feel like you are swimming against the tide, but please never stop swimming.


  10. January 13, 2018 / 7:21 am

    Oh Anne, you may not feel it right now, but I am in awe of your strength. Thinking of you and I really hope your treatment goes better this time. Thanks for posting to #TheMMLinky once again x

  11. AutismMumma
    January 15, 2018 / 10:00 am

    Keeping everything crossed for you that the treatment helps you this time. I have really been tested by my feet pain over the last year and a half but I’m hoping there is an end to it after the next foot op. Keep strong xx

  12. Lucy At Home
    January 16, 2018 / 10:34 am

    Oh I'm so sorry that things are getting you down to much at the moment. It really sounds like you have a lot on your plate and so this is understandable – try to be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space and treats. I really hope this 3rd treatment makes a big difference for you and that the migraines are kept at bay #blogcrush

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *