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Raisie Bay

bullying

Friendship Friday with Elmer and Sockshop

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I was reminded about Friendship Friday, which this year is 8th November, by Sockshop my favourite place to buy socks. They sent me a pair of Elmer Socks to celebrate.

brightly coloured Elmer socks from the sock shop celebrating Friendship Friday
Elmer Socks from the Sock Shop

Elmer and Friendship Friday.

This year Kidscape are using Elmer the Patchwork Elephant, from Anderson Press to highlight Friendship Friday and the start of Anti-Bullying Week.

Friendship Friday with Elmer from Kidscape
Image from Kidscape for Friendship Friday

Elmer is an elephant close to my heart because he was a big favourite of Star’s when she was little. She loved all the books and had (Still has) the soft toys of the loveable, colourful elephant. Elmer is different to all the other elephants because he’s not grey, he’s a patchwork of bright colours. At first he tries to be like the others, but eventually he discovers that being different doesn’t mean that you can’t have friends and fit in.

Star was always different and found it difficult to fit in, so Elmer was a great help to her in her younger years.

The Sock Shop sent me a pair of Elmer Socks which I’m giving to star. They are soft bamboo socks that are skin kind. Star suffers from skin problems so we have to be careful what she wears. We’ve had lots of pairs of bamboo socks from The Sock Shop now, both gifted and bought. As a family we all love them. The Elmer socks come in all sizes from kids to adults and they are all £4.99 a pair. The Sock Shop are offering 10% from the price of every pair of socks sold to Kidscape and their anti-bullying work. Please consider going along an buying a pair or two. You won’t be dissapointed with the socks and you’ll be helping a good cause.

Anti- Bullying Week

My children will be taking part in events at school for anti bullying week. Kidscape offer a school resource pack to help with this.

All three of my children are really happy at school right now, but they have all had problems with bullying in the past. Star was bullied because she is autistic and different from the other children. The school stepped in and helped and now she has a lovely circle of friends, both on the Autistic spectrum and not. She is in her last two years at school and works hard and attends every day, unless she really is sick.

Boo was bullied at school in year 4 by some girls that just took a dislike to her. Her teacher stepped in and helped and by the end of the year Boo was friends with one of the girls, and the others tolerated her. Moving to Secondary School, Boo also has a lovely group of friends and is very happy.

The Little Man’s problem’s were a little more serious. Being autistic himself he found it difficult to deal with his bullies. He was only seven years old and although we’d brought the problem to his teacher her efforts to solve it didn’t work. Cutting a long story short we took him out of the school after his bullies had found him hiding from them under a school table and kicked him repeatedly, injuring his back and head. He was taken to A&E after another incident, which we were told was his own fault as he fell back off his chair resulting in a fractured arm. When the doctor at the hospital examined him he told us of the injuries to his back and we spotted the bruise on his head. It was then we discovered what he was going through at school.

We took him out of the school instantly as they claimed it was The Little Man’s fault for hiding instead of going to the teacher. He is now at a new school and is doing fine. They are more understanding of his special needs and he hasn’t been bullied since he moved there.

Friends

We surround ourselves with people who think similarly to ourselves and that understand us and are there for us when we need them. Our friends also expect the same from us and that’s how friendship works.

I always say that I don’t have many friends. But the ones I do have, we can go for ages without seeing each other, then when we do it’s like we’ve never been apart. Over the years, friends come and go, but we always remember the ones who had the biggest impacts on our lives. Friend’s may not always have the same views and opinions as us, but it doesn’t mean that they can’t be our friends.

Do you have lots of friends? Is there someone you’ve not had contact with lately, why not reach out to them today and say “hello, how are you?” Celebrate friendship day by letting those that you care about know that you care. And have a lovely day my friends, those I’ve known for years and those I’ve only just met x

Disclosure: I was sent a pair of Elmer socks but all views and opinions are my own. I was not paid to write this post and it’s written from the heart about something that is really important to me.

School Days Trials and Tribulations part four – Karma!

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Today I am angry and upset.

Yesterday I spent many hours in A&E with my Little Man.

We have some big decisions to make.

It all started a while ago and I wrote about my Little Man being bullied at school.

Since then we have visited the school and spoken about the issues and talked with his teachers many times. We have been assured that everything is being done to stop the bullying. We have also been told on a daily basis what a naughty boy our Little Man is at school.

To be fair we’ve been confused about what has been going on. We know by far that our Little Man is no angel, but he’s not the type to hurt anyone, yet this is what he’s been accused of. They have been making out that he is the bully. My Little Man has always had many friends at school. He’s always been well liked by his teachers and done well in class…until this year when the bullying started. Now it seems that he cannot behave and is always in trouble.

We’ve tried to get to the bottom of it, we’ve talked to him and rewarded him when he has been good. Imagine my delight when he came home Wednesday having been the best behaved child in the class that day. In fact he’s had a really good week. Well, up until yesterday

Bruises

My Little Man has always had plenty of bruises on his arms and legs, not only is this normal for boisterous  seven year old’s, we are also a family with a history of bruising easily.

Last Sunday we put up our trampoline and the kids couldn’t wait to play on it. The Little Man was off within about five minutes complaining of back pain. We were confused because he’d not fallen on his back and had only been on for such a short time. He’s tried to go back on several times but each time he’s come straight off because of his back. Then we noticed some bruises appear on his back so I made an appointment with the GP to see if there was anything we should be worried about.

He went to school yesterday morning and we picked him up just before 11 am for his GP appointment. When we picked him up we found he had fallen off his chair in class and bashed his arm on the radiator. The teacher’s comments surprised us as she claimed it was karma because he was leaning back on his chair.

We all know that leaning back on your chair is dangerous and stupid.

We all have done this at some time in our lives, particularly at school. Is it karma to fall and hurt yourself, is it reasonable for a teacher to state so? I wasn’t there at the time but I was so angry when I heard this.

The GP looked at the Little Man’s arm and told us to take him to A&E as she thought the bone may have a fracture. She looked at his back and said it looked like an impact injury. She noted down all his other bruises, which were all impact bruises.

Hospital

The hospital was really busy and as the Little Man was not deemed as urgent we had to wait three hours before being seen by a Doctor. The conclusion was that his arm had suffered severe bruising and she was certain that the bone was okay. Phew! She also looked at his back and told us to take him back to the GP if it didn’t feel better within a couple of weeks. Then she mentioned that he may have a connective tissue disorder and we should ask for a referral to a rheumatologist.

She asked if he was clumsy? Was he? I guess he did have a problem with walking anywhere and runs all the time, I suppose this makes him a little more accident prone.

The School Calls

I didn’t send the Little Man to school today, I hadn’t decided what to do. I called and told them he wouldn’t be in and the deputy head called back to arrange a time for us to talk. We made an appointment for the Monday they go back to school after the holiday next week.

We had a chat and I told her some of my concerns. She stated that they had thought things had improved and that they were keeping a close eye on the Little Man and frequently asking him if all was okay. She also claimed that she’d noticed he was a little clumsy in school, always bumping into things.

This is where my dilemma begins. Is she  saying that because I told her about his bruises and she’s trying to put the blame on him rather than the bullies? Of course it’s in the back of my mind what the consultant said yesterday.

The Little Man claims he is being hit by the other boys and I have no reason at all to disbelieve him. I do, therefore believe that these boys are still being mean to him and sadly they’ve moved their actions to the classroom after being closely observed in the playground.

No matter what, this has to stop, whether it’s the main cause of his bruises or not.

I feel that when we go in for this discussion that the deputy head is going to try and convince us that it’s probably the Little Man’s fault and that they are doing all they can to protect him so it’s highly unlikely that he is being hurt by the other children. If I expect this in advance then I know she won’t catch me off guard. I know what’s going on and it has to stop.

Dilemma

The Little Man is distraught at the thought that we will take him out of school and away from his friends. We told him he could keep in touch but apparently he likes some of the teachers too, and there is a something he calls ‘friendship group’ that he really wants to be part of.

It’s mind boggling how the mind of a seven year old works. Each day he gets up and seems distraught that it’s a school day. Each day he comes home and doesn’t want to talk about school. Occasionally we have tears from him because he hates school so much.

Yet, the thought of leaving school has him in floods of tears.

I am thinking that he is worried about starting a new school, beginning again, making new friends. But, he’s always been so good at making new friends and he’s so young I’m sure the transition would be easier for him now rather than later.

I’m not going to rush into this. We have a whole week off school ahead of us, plenty of time to think about our next move.

The only thing I am really sure of is that the bullying has to stop. I cannot bear to think of another child hurting mine and if it happens one more time I will not be able to control my rage.

Parents.

Despite my saying not too, Graham was so incensed yesterday he approached the Mother of one of the children that has been bullying our Little Man. She denied it vehemently and even claimed that it was our boy that was the bully. On hearing our boy had bruises she angrily retorted that it couldn’t be her boy’s fault as he’d not been in school all week.

Ping!

So, that’s why our Little Man has had such a good week then. (Well up until his fall yesterday, which was his own fault, and definitely NOT karma.)

The Little Man made this colourful character while waiting to be seen by a Dr at A&E

Word of the Week – School

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This week has been focused around School.

black board with the word school written in chalk

Star has been having assessments, they seem to have them every term at her school and often there are classroom changes afterwards depending on the results. They could move to a higher class or down to a lower one. Star was incredibly nervous at the beginning of the week but as the week has gone on she has become more confident and feels happy with her progress. I’m happy because it boosts her confidence. I love it when she’s happy and getting on at school, I think the classroom change last term has helped a lot.

Boo is still working towards her SATS which is inciting so much anger in me. I really wish they’d just abolish the SATS, it’s way too much pressure on such young children. She is in year six so her results will determine where she starts in Secondary School but as I’ve just mentioned, they are assessed every term  in Secondary School anyway! So, I’ll try not to get on my soapbox and start ranting here, I think SATS are purely to show how well the school is doing rather than the pupils. Hothousing the poor kids and making them think they have to work ten times harder to get good results really makes my blood boil. It’s not a true assessment of teaching or how well the children are doing.

Deep Breathe, put the soap box away now!

The Little Man has been having so much trouble at school. Every  day he’s in trouble for one thing or another and it’s been going on for a while. He’s been bullied in the playground which we talked to the school about and they promised to sort it. But his behaviour has become a serious issue and after talking to his teacher again they’ve suggested we get him some professional help. So I’ve made him an appointment with the GP to get a referral for a child psychologist. My poor Little Man, he’s as good as gold at home. I really can’t understand why he misbehaves so much at school.

How has your week been?

The Reading Residence

 

Second Term at Secondary School (things are not going well)

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I thought I’d give an update of how Star is getting on a Secondary School as a few people have asked lately. We had hoped that things would be good for her. We spent a lot of time checking out the school and talking with teachers. After she started we reviewed how she was getting on and talked with the SENCO about her extra needs.

I was impressed when I had a call saying that they’d assessed Star for p.e. and sports and were trying to include her as much as they thought safe. This was before I’d even submitted her medical notes so I was happy they were on the ball.

I was impressed when we were called in for a chat with the school counsellor who told us that Star had been going to speak to her about her fears and worries. The sort of things that were quite natural for a young girl starting secondary school to be scared and worried about, at least she had someone to talk to about it all.

I was impressed at how quickly they’ve called me when she has been ill or fallen and they have been very understanding. They have also been very understanding about the times she’s not been able to attend school due to illness or medical appointments. She’s definitely not going to get any awards for good attendance.

Today, I was impressed that the head of the year was available to speak to me at short notice.

Last night was awful. My poor girl was so upset she was talking about life not worth living. She sobbed all evening and it took us forever to calm her down and get her to speak to us. Eventually she told us she is being bullied…by four boys!

It started a while back, she told the teacher and the teacher talked to the boys. It happened again, so she told on them again and said that nothing was done. When we mentioned this to the head he explained that the teacher may have just got it under control in their class and not realised that it was happening outside of class.

Star told us that the boys had threatened to hurt her if she told on them again. So far it’s just been name calling and minor things, but enough to upset her. Now it’s turned to threats of violence and that is totally unacceptable and needs to be stopped immediately.

I do worry a lot about Star being hurt by other children. You see those horrid bullying video’s being shared on Social Media and I can’t bear to watch them. I know they get shared to shame the bullies but it upsets me so much. With her body being so susceptible to injury and her neck being so weak, it really scares me. Someone pulling her hair hard could cause such serious damage, someone pushing her over could dislocate her bones. She is not like a normal child. I want to wrap her up in cotton wool, but I also want her to live a normal life. I cannot tolerate bullying of any kind and she must not get hurt in any way.

My eldest child was bullied when he started Secondary School. His reaction was to turn violent himself and he was hard to control for a long time. Constantly getting into fights and subsequently into trouble at school. He’d come home every day filthy and his bag was in tatters. I tried to work with the school but they were useless, they just didn’t understand. They segregated him by putting him in the special needs classes. He hated that even more and his rebellion got worse. I ended up taking him out of school.

My eldest daughter was turned on by her old primary school friends. They no longer wanted her to be part of their clique and she couldn’t accept that. She was really upset and hated going to school. She had a lot of other awful stuff going on at home but couldn’t talk to anyone at school about it. She became withdrawn and depressed and life became unbearable for her. I ended up taking her out of school.

I have not had a child complete secondary school yet and was hoping that Star would be different.
I hate that this is happening and that my child is so miserable.
The school was doing so well but these awful boys are making her life unbearable and it has to stop.

She is also upset because no-one talks to her at school, no-one wants to be her friend. She’s not really shy and is very friendly and always smiling. She is different though and has different interests to the girls at school. She’s really not a girly girl at all. Neither was I when I was at school, but I was never bullied and somehow made it through unscathed.

We are also having an issue with homework which I need to speak to the school about. She comes home with loads of books and has no idea what she is expected to do at home. She is probably told just like the other kids but it’s not sinking in with her. She needs to have clear instruction which she is not getting, apart from one lesson, English. Her English teacher writes down in her book what she needs to do and the date it needs to be completed. If only  all the other teacher’s did the same.

I want to prove that it is possible these days for an autistic child to make it through Secondary School. Maybe if she didn’t have the Elher’s Danlos Syndrome which causes her physical problems, then I’d be more hopeful, but I have to admit my hope is waning already..and we are only in the second term of the first year.

She’s already said she wants her home tutor again. She did work well with a home tutor but they are not readily available. I don’t think that Star should be segregated from her peers though, I’m sure it will make her future more bearable if she can tolerate other people.

My eldest son ended up in another school, a bridging school, the purpose of which is to ready the child for a return to mainstream school. He was there for three and a half years and never made it back to mainstream. while there he never spoke to any of the other pupils and I often had to go and pick him up as he’d either gone into meltdown, or frozen out. ( he would walk out of the school and lie face down on the grass outside and become totally unresponsive to anyone until I came to pick him up.)

He says now that he wished he’d been able to talk and interact with his peers. He feels it may have made it easier to talk to people now. I really think that Star needs this interaction now.

After talking to the head today he has promised to get to the bottom of this and make sure that the boys leave her alone. The school is strict on bullying and the parents of the boys will be contacted. If they cause her problems again they will be excluded. I hope this is enough to stop them right now. Star is also being sent to speak to another lady at the school who is available to chat to her first thing every morning to make sure she is happy to be at school, and last thing in the afternoon to talk about how her day has been. That’s reassuring for now. I’m just keeping everything crossed at the moment.