Christmas Present 2019
It’s less than 10 days to Christmas 2019. I’ve bought all my presents, wrapped most of them, ordered my Turkey, booked my shopping delivery slot before the big day and not run out of money yet.
The Little Man won a cake in the school raffle and I won a personalised heart in another raffle. I’ve received and sent my Secret Santa gifts. I’ve even written a couple of Christmas cards.
So everything is fine. Christmas is coming and the little ones are going to have a wonderful day. We’ll eat, drink and be merry and enjoy our gifts.
The Ghost of Christmas Past
Christmas has some very bad memories for some of us. I could probably bore you with all the details but I’ll just give you a list instead.
My Dad died in November while I was a small child.
My Ex Husband ruined a few of our early family Christmas memories by getting drunk before lunch.
The New Millenium started with the worst news I could ever imagine which totally destroyed my family and gave us two years of complete misery.
My Mum died on Christmas Day eleven years ago. I took the girls to see her Christmas morning bearing gifts and ushered the girls straight out again with their Dad while I held mum’s hand listening to the ‘death rattle.’ My youngest brother commited suicide a week later by hanging himself.
Then four years ago on December 29th I found myself rushing my Father-in-law to hospital in my car praying he wouldn’t die before we got there. He died in the hospital lobby.
Three days later on New Years Day I woke up with pins and needles and ended up not being able to walk again.
So, as you can see, Christmas and the week after is full of miserable memories and it’s so hard to get past that and actually enjoy the day.
The little ones are growing up and are past believing in Father Christmas. How did that happen? I still believe. You have to believe in magic, you have to keep on hoping. Seeing my not so little ones opening their presents on Christmas Day is always a joy. As it is seeing my older children and husband open their present. Yes, they might not be as overjoyed as the children but it’s still fun.
Each year I try so hard to make it special. When I was little, apart from the year my Dad died, we always had fabulous Christmas celebrations. Family got together and us children were very happy. I want my children to feel that way too.
This year I’m struggling to see a future of brightness, in fact all I see is doom. I will be seeing my consultant in January and my hope is fading. I’ve given up getting better and just fighting to stay alive longer.
The dark cloud of the past is consuming me at the moment and the future looks dim. How can we enjoy this merry season?
Don’t worry. We will. Our little family will relax and have fun with the little ones. We’ll watch television, eat good food (or bad food) enjoy our gifts and most of all, enjoy the time we have together. Time is precious, family is precious. Christmas can be precious too. Turning off from the real world for a few days can be so relaxing and that’s what I plan to do this year. Christmas 2019 will be the best I can make it.
Maybe one day in the distant future I can spend Christmas being visited by extended family, even grandchildren. How lovely that would be.