Regular readers will know that I take some time out each month to join in with Sheryl’s Writing Prompts about Chronic Illness. I never intended this to be a chronic illness blog and I wasn’t even sick when I started it. Instead I choose to take this time each month to let my readers into a little of what my life is like now I do have a chronic illness. The writing prompts make me feel less like I’m writing a me, me, me post, and gives me food for thought while allowing me to express myself. I’m a bit late with this months prompts so I’m already playing at catching up.
This month the prompts are; Wandering, Catching, Compartmentalising, Regenerating and Visiting.
We were away on holiday last week and I did a fair bit of wandering, probably a lot more than I’ve done in the last 17 months. The holiday camp site we stayed on was very wheelchair friendly and we were able to reach all the facilities without having to use the car. It was good to be able to wander around freely and even though there were will always be places inaccessible to me in my chair, I got around a lot more than usual. Unfortunately, I’ve managed to damage my wheelchair though. I’m going to see if I can get it repaired soon, but I’ll have to wait a week or so because the holiday has taken up all of my savings. My wanderings are over for now.
Here’s a little photo I took while having a wander one evening with my husband and youngest son.
Since we came back from our little holiday I have a lot of catching up to do. Before we went away the children had only just broken up from school, but I have plenty of experience of how quickly the summer passes by and there is so much to do. I’ll be catching up on paperwork for my daughter’s college, sorting out uniforms for the other two, while also catching up on my blog work and those posts that should have already been written.
And of course, when you get back off holiday it’s always a game of catch up with the washing, please let me have a few sunny days to dry outside.
I’m also trying to catch up on the birthdays, the Little Man had his just three days after getting home and then Star’s birthday is in a couple of weeks. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
I compartmentalize. I’m not sure if it is actually a good or a bad thing, I know psychologists tend to lean towards the latter. I don’t know how I’d get through life if I didn’t. Stress makes me ill, being ill makes me stressed. I have to do what I can to avoid stress and I do that by compartmentalising everything in life. Sometimes it makes me feel disconnected. But, other times it is a good coping mechanism.
I think of it like my bedside table of drawers. In the top drawer I have my family and daily life issues that I deal with all the time. Then the next draw holds all my worries about my family and the future. The third drawer holds my disability and illness, all the thoughts about how I’m going to cope, when my next appointments are, things I can do to try and improve my health. Finally at the bottom are my deepest darkest thoughts which have to be dealt with but not alongside everything else.
Just like in real life, sometimes things get put in the wrong drawers, and then things get messy. I prefer to keep it all in order as much as I can.
Having a short holiday, 7 nights away from home, has completely regenerated me. I really needed the break from routine and these four walls. I don’t think anyone else in my family understands how imprisoned I feel. I’m stressing now because my wheelchair is broken. I’m not planning on going anywhere soon…but even if I could I can’t. It’s hard for an able bodied person to understand. Of course I have my manual spare wheelchair, but that means having to rely on someone pushing me. I hate that.
While we were away I spent a lot more time outside and enjoyed being in a different environment. We stayed in a caravan which meant that I didn’t have far to walk inside at any time and even though I took my sticks I never used them once. I could walk around the caravan with ease (although the bathrooms were a little small and tricky.) The bed was comfy and I slept soundly. In fact I think I only woke up in pain once which was amazing.
I honestly believe that a smaller property in a seaside town would work brilliantly for my health. It wouldn’t work for the rest of my family though. I spent ten years hoping, dreaming and wishing for a bigger house and now I live in one I can’t cope with it.
It’s nice to feel regenerated though. Maybe I should plan a few more getaways in the future, I just need to win a lottery or something first. Eek, holidays are so expensive!!
I guess I could harp on about my holiday because we visited the seaside. We were a little disappointed though because we went nearby to relatives and were hoping to catch up but they were self-isolating due to Covid. So we didn’t get to visit them.
We have some plans for the rest of the summer though. We are hoping to have some young visitors around this weekend to celebrate my Little Man’s birthday. We couldn’t invite them on his actual birthday because I am now self-isolating after getting pinged on the Covid app. I’m not sure how well I trust it though, I was never in contact with anyone but my family for any length of time inside or outside during our break. Inside we wore our masks and moved around a lot. We ate out a few times, mostly outside but when ate inside our table was well distanced from other diners. And my husband didn’t get pinged even though we were together all the time. I don’t think we are going to be visited by Covid but we’ve done the tests just to be sure.
Then later in the month we are hoping to visit a farm where the kids will be able to get hands on helping with the animals. It sounds really exciting and my children have something to look forward too. Fingers crossed I have my wheelchair fixed by then.
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