Our Summer holiday is half way through, we still have another four weeks to go of this extended holiday. So far we have, had a birthday party, visited relatives by the sea side for a weekend, had another, quieter, birthday lunch and have been out to the shops three times. It doesn’t really sound a lot for four weeks does it?
For me it’s been exhausting.
It seems that every time I leave the house I need at least two days to recover. Also, we are still having major problems with Star and it’s so difficult to get her out.
This is not the summer holiday I wanted. I wanted to make it one they would remember. A really good happy time with lots of fun. I don’t know what sort of condition I’ll be in next summer as I feel myself getting worse day by day.
I got really upset this last weekend, simply by reading other blogs. It seems that everyone is off on days out, going to festivals, enjoying holidays. Doing the normal things you do during the summer holidays. Doing the sort of things I wanted to do. But my stupid body won’t let me.
We had a lovely weekend in Dorset, I really enjoyed the break from routine, the sunshine, the change of scenery and the fact that the kids had a good time. What I didn’t enjoy was not being able to get to places, the fair was a nightmare for my wheelchair. I couldn’t get on the beach and play with my kids. I wanted to sit in the sand and paddle in the sea. I wanted to run around and play with my kids. I wanted to go over the rocks hunting for fossils. Instead I was often left behind on the promenade. I love being by the sea, just taking in the air and the scenery was lovely, but I felt I was kidding myself because I wanted to join in too.
Every time we plan to go out we have to take into consideration my wheelchair. Will I be able to get around, will there be parking close by for me? If it’s outdoors I have to consider the weather, it’s an electric chair, too much rain is not good for it. (or me)
Even a simple shopping trip can be difficult. What if there is a missing drop kerb? We went to a shop the other day, the disabled bays outside were full so we had to park in the regular car park. There was no drop kerb so I had to drive along the busy road to a zebra crossing before I could mount the pavement.
We bought a National Trust membership this year, which is great, I’ve a long list of places to visit. But National Trust properties don’t have lifts so I’ll never be able to see upstairs. Also, I can’t take my powered wheelchair into the properties at all, so I only get to see as much as I can walk with my sticks, which is usually not a lot. If it’s a nice day I can get around most of the gardens, until you come to steps. And most gardens have steps.
Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself today. I have been all weekend. I hate that this has happened to me. It doesn’t make me feel any better thinking that there are people worse off than me. In fact I feel even worse because I feel so bad for them too.
I’m lucky that I have my lovely, understanding family. But, I don’t want their lives restricted just because mine is.
My hopes of a fun filled, memory making summer are slowly drifting away.
But it’s not over yet, I need to fight this, I need to turn it around and make things even better. Stop feeling sorry for myself and let my kids enjoy the experiences even if I can’t join in.
Just not today.